Rediscovery
by UnderAGlassMoon
Summary: Ten years after Third Impact, Shinji Ikari is struggling with his day to day life and the invisible bonds he had formed with people he once knew. Can he finally find happiness? Can the people he once knew share what Shinji wants to find?
1. Stories In The Snow

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. They belong to Anno and his crew at Gainax.

* * *

"Happy new year!" called out the barman. Shinji Ikari raised his glass weakly, along with all the other patrons of the bar, all in together, some with their friends and family to celebrate the coming of the New Year. Shinji came alone, which is something he did often at this place which was becoming a regular venue for his evenings. Shinji didn't come in because it was New Year's Eve. He just came in because that was what he did. It just happened to be the turning of that year to another that night. Shinji didn't mind. Having lots of people in raised the spirit a bit and seeing the fireworks go was a nice touch for the now 24 year old, but as festive as everybody and everything was, nothing was quite enough to lift the young man out of his sombre mood. As everybody clinked their glasses together in jubilation, Shinji downed the remainder of his whiskey before getting up, zipping up his jacket and leaving to return home. 

He stepped out to hear the soft powdery snow compress under his foot as well as feeling the cold immediately bite despite Shinji's thick jacket. It had snowed in Tokyo-4 all through Christmas and hadn't really stopped since. It hadn't been heavy either, proved by the fact that it was barely up to Shinji's ankles but it had been non-stop snow regardless. The winter of Japan was a regular occurrence ever since Third Impact, an event that nobody seemed to be willing to talk about. Shinji remembered being on that beach that day and how people came streaming back into existence and immediately trying to return to their daily lives as if nothing had happened. Shinji hadn't been one of them. He had questioned the events of that day, ten years ago now, ever since if only internally.

He remembered his days as an Eva pilot and despite how much he hated it; those were days he yearned for. Looking back, he had people that cared for him, even if it wasn't so obvious then. He had been too worked up about his own problems to notice. Now, when it was too late, he realised all too well about the bonds he had formed yet never took care of. On the dawn of the year 2016, Shinji had seen both Misato and Asuka die and Rei turn into something so horrible he couldn't bear thinking about. Shinji thought that he would learn his lessons from Third Impact and try to keep the bonds he shared with the people that were close to him only to find that he was still afraid of everybody, including himself. Since Third Impact, he had seen both Asuka and Misato. Asuka was the only other person in the world along with Shinji for a moment and Shinji wondered how it all went wrong. After people began to flood back and tried to get the world back into normality, Shinji found that he could barely speak to the girl anymore. She returned to Germany, leaving no means of contact, effectively severing that bond. Maybe she was afraid as well, but Shinji couldn't help but feel responsible for her leaving.

Misato was a different story. She always left voicemail on Shinji's home telephone every now and then. Shinji got as far as picking up the phone and just beginning to dial Misato's number which he knew off by heart now. However, he never got past dialling 4 digits. After that, he always held the phone in his hand and put it back down slowly and painfully. Shinji never found the courage just to phone her and ask her how things were and simply just to re-establish the bond they once shared. Shinji would occasionally bump into Misato on the streets or while shopping. He found it easy to smile, speaking with someone he knew but always had a tingling fear inside of him. A fear that he would get too close, only to get hurt. Shinji tried to eradicate that fear but it always got the better of him. Misato was always amiable and chatty and pretty much the Misato Shinji always had known, but he could never go past bumping into her and having a quick chat. That was the extent of their relationship now.

Misato Katsuragi was also Commander of NERV, which was still around but in a much different capacity. Instead of possessing super weapons that proved more than capable of ending the world, NERV was now an anti-terrorist organisation aimed at stopping the resurgence of SEELE. That was as far as Shinji knew and what Misato told him. That story could all just be a cover up for another diabolical plot to cause another impact but Shinji was not involved, so he was content in his ignorance. He doubted that nonetheless, because his father wasn't involved in anyway. Gendo Ikari hadn't been seen again by anybody since Third Impact to the extent of Shinji's knowledge. And Shinji was glad that this was the case.

Then, there was Rei Ayanami. The enigmatic girl with blue hair who never seemed to do anything unless ordered was the catalyst for Third Impact. Shinji would have never imagined it until he saw the giant white figure of Rei Ayanami in front of him high up in the sky above the smouldering remains of Tokyo-3. That was a form he never wanted to see Rei in again yet instead, he simply did not see Rei ever again, in any form. She seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth as did countless others who never did return.

As Shinji continued on his way home, he slipped on an icy path and fell flat on his backside as well as banging the back of his head against the pavement. He groaned in pain as he tried to get up, only to feel a dizzy sensation overcome him from hitting his head off the ground. Shinji gave up trying to get up and simply lay there on the pavement, looking up at the violet-tinged night sky with white snow flakes coming down from the heavens. Shinji didn't feel like getting up. He just wanted to let the snow cover him from head to toe and hide him from the rest of the world and more importantly, hide the rest of the world from him. In that moment, Shinji felt like he had enough.

As he lay with negative thoughts seething, Shinji saw a gloved hand extended out to him. Shinji didn't ignore the gesture of goodwill and took the hand before being helped up to his feet. "Some way to celebrate the New Year," chuckled a female voice that Shinji knew all too well.

"Ah, hello Misato," Shinji greeted. "Sorry, that was a bit embarrassing."

"Don't worry about it," Misato laughed. "Have too much to drink?"

"Maybe," Shinji said, with a weak smile.

"Hell, it's New Year's! Who gives a damn anyway!" Misato said. "I've had more than my fair share, let me tell you that!"

Shinji again could smile but it was only superficial. Maybe there was no hiding what Shinji felt underneath but it didn't mean that he couldn't try and if Misato was under the influence, then maybe Shinji could hide his apprehension and anxiety over seeing her again. However, Shinji himself knew that he had a few drinks too many and it would be hard to completely control everything that came out of his mouth. "Anyway, what are you doing out here on your own in the snow?" Misato chirped.

"Well, I was, uh, just heading back home," Shinji said.

"Really? So early?" Misato asked. Shinji could just nod his reply as he could barely bring himself to speak to her, yet all his yearnings to reform those lost connections he once had as a 14 year old. There were so many conflicting thoughts in Shinji's mind at the moment and another was coming into the mix, fuelled by the alcohol in his system; desire.

Misato was one of those people who never seemed to age and at nearly 40 years of age, she looked as young as she had ever been. It was a small miracle in spite of her drinking habits that she kept her youthful beauty. And one part of Shinji was reaching out to Misato with thoughts that Shinji only just allowed to surface because of the drinks Shinji had consumed. She was quickly becoming the object of desire for Shinji in this state and despite being 15 years her junior; he could not hide the temptation that she presented to him. "If that's so," Misato said, "then how about I walk you home?"

_Please no, _Shinji thought in horror. _Any time but now, Misato. Any time but now!_ "Uh, yeah, sure," Shinji said, his speech slurring slightly.

"Great! Let's go then!" Misato said, her smile a genuine one, something that Shinji could simply not replicate.

It wasn't far to Shinji's flat, a simple two bedroom design in a medium sized block of flats that suited the 24 year old more than enough. Misato laughed as she shoved Shinji up the stairs to the fourth floor where his flat was situated. "You're more drunk than I first thought!" she said as they made it up.

"Well, sorry!" Shinji said with a laugh, feeling the alcohol overcome him and his actions.

"Or maybe you just hit your head too hard?" Misato suggested.

"All of the above, ma'am!" Shinji called out in a giddy manner.

"Sssh, not too loud, Shinji!" Misato laughed. "You might wake your neighbours!"

"Who cares?" Shinji said with a beaming smile. "Come on, I don't think you've ever seen the place!"

Shinji pulled Misato along by the hand and stopped outside his door, nearly falling over in the process. Shinji then fumbled with his keys and eventually managed to open the door. "On you go!" Shinji said, holding his hand out to the inside of his house.

"I couldn't Shinji, it's getting late," Misato said.

"Come on, I'll make it worth your while," Shinji said. "Coffee?"

Misato hesitated slightly before saying, "Oh, all right. Just one coffee, okay?"

The two headed inside and Shinji got to work switching on the lights to his main living area which was a combined kitchen, dining and living room all in the one room. "Ooh, it's pretty nice," Misato said. "Although I'm expecting a coffee, mister!"

"Coming right up!" Shinji said, getting to work with his coffee machine. It seemed that the booze he drank caught up to him and he was letting go of his inhibitions. It was almost a state of freedom for Shinji were he didn't always think before he acted. It was only almost freedom because alcohol had its ways of constraining and constricting those who abused it.

Shinji quickly fashioned two cups of coffee and handed one over to Misato. "Thanks Shinji," she said with a smile.

"No problem," Shinji said, taking a sip and reckoning that it wasn't half bad, considering he was fairly drunk.

"How's work at the office, Shinji?" Misato asked.

"It's…okay, I guess," Shinji replied. "It's getting boring, but a job's a job."

"As long as you aren't miserable, then all is well," Misato said.

_If only you knew, _Shinji thought. "How's your job?" Shinji asked in return.

"Now, that's boring! We never have anything to do!" Misato exclaimed.

"God's in his heaven, all's right with the world, huh?" Shinji chuckled.

"Yeah, you could say that," Misato agreed.

Shinji put down his cup of coffee which had been emptied very quickly. Misato lingered over hers a bit more, taking her time with it. She could tell Shinji was drunk yet she was enjoying her time with him now. She almost wished that he was a bit more like this all the time. Ever since Third Impact, Shinji had cut himself off from her and it had deeply hurt her feelings. She wanted to feel like the time they had spent together meant _something_. Shinji wasn't quite a son to Misato, but she had wanted to care for him in a way only a mother could. Now, she wanted to be friends with him and to keep in contact as he grew older but Shinji had only grown more reclusive. She knew he was ignoring the voicemail messages she was leaving him. She had only wanted to make sure that he was okay, but those messages were never replied to.

Now, she was content with Shinji the way he was. Misato knew that tomorrow, Shinji would sober up and go back to normal, severing all links between him and anyone that once was close to him. However, she could not say she was fine with that. She wanted someone like Shinji who she could speak to. She wanted it to be like old times when she would wake up, have a beer and be looked at scornfully by Shinji. She wanted everything to be like how it was and the more she wanted this, the more the real motive behind her attempts to get closer to Shinji was painfully revealed.

Misato was lonely. Kaji was dead and was never coming back. Her work was unfulfilling and she worked with people that would only ever remain people that she would work with. Misato's once close friend, Dr Ritsuko Akagi had severed all links between herself and the world and was in Africa, doing humanitarian work. It seemed a noble enough cause for Ritsuko, but Misato knew that she was only there because she couldn't face up to Misato or anyone else, for that matter. As much as Misato began to loathe Ritsuko as Third Impact approached, she couldn't help but want to reconnect to her. Misato wanted that friendship they once shared. Yet another painful reminder of how lonely she truly was.

Misato finished the last remnants of her coffee and placed the cup, stained with her lipstick, onto the coffee table in front of her. "Thanks for the coffee, Shinji," she said.

"It's no problem," Shinji said, managing a weak smile. They both sat on the sofa in an awkward silence, neither of the two really wanting to say or do anything. They sat like that for a few seconds, before Misato turned her head to face Shinji and opened her mouth to say something. However, no words ventured out of her mouth. Instead, she and Shinji were left staring at each other, straight into each other's eyes. It was then the alcohol-fuelled Shinji began to advance towards Misato's face and the woman made no resistance. Their lips locked together and they engaged in a kiss that both of them both didn't want yet wanted so much at the same time. Still, it was happening nonetheless and the kiss was quickly becoming deeper and more intimate.

Suddenly, Misato pulled away and said, "No, I can't do this Shinji." She turned her face away from Shinji and promptly stood up. Shinji said nothing and simply looked at his feet with his hands clasped together. Misato headed towards the door and before leaving, looked back and said, "I'm sorry Shinji. We would have both regretted doing this. I'll…I'll call, okay?" And with that, Shinji heard his door open and then shut, leaving him as he always was; alone. He slowly got to his feet; feeling like the whole incident had left him sober. He then trudged towards his kitchen with his head down the entire way. Once there, he pulled out a bottle of cheap whiskey out of his cupboard and immediately took a slug straight out of the bottle. It burned and tasted fairly dire but it was hardly something Shinji cared about at the moment. He took another deep swig before slumping downed against the kitchen counter before sliding slowly to the floor.

Shinji took several more drinks, sat on the floor and slumped against his kitchen counter before putting the bottle down on the cold tiled floor beside him and placing his face in his hands. "What the hell am I trying to do?" Shinji asked out loud, absolutely disgusted with what he had tried to do with Misato just there. It may have seemed innocent enough, simply trying to kiss her feeling slightly tipsy on New Year's night, but Shinji knew his true intentions. He wanted to kiss her and then have sex with her before cutting off all links with her, causing himself and her so much pain in the process. Shinji didn't blame the booze. He couldn't. The only person he could ever blame these days was himself. "You're a fucking idiot," Shinji cursed. "I…I hate myself." And with that declaration, Shinji Ikari drank himself to sleep in the first few hours of the year 2026.

* * *

Shinji woke up to find himself a mess with whiskey spilt all over his kitchen floor. That sight and the screaming headache he had were only painful reminders of last night's events. As he sat up, Shinji couldn't believe what he had tried to do with Misato. He was glad that she stopped him when she did, or else Shinji would have really done something he had regretted like she had said when she left. Shinji knew he would have to apologise to Misato but he wondered if he could ever bring himself to see her after what transpired the previous night. It would be difficult for Shinji, but he knew that what he did was unacceptable and he needed to try set things straight. However, that was easier said for Shinji Ikari who had successfully cut himself from all he held dearest. He had almost locked the door and thrown away the key. However, he knew his situation was at least salvageable. He just needed to find the courage to approach Misato. 

Shinji got up and took him his jeans and his shirt, both of which were stained with whiskey. Shinji opted just to throw the two away before mopping up the foul smelling cheap liquor off the floor. Once he had that done, Shinji went away for a shower, feeling he needed a cleansing of all sorts. As the hot water sprayed over his body, Shinji began to delve deep into thought, as he always seemed to do when he bathed. It was something he welcomed as much as the hangover he had.

_Misato…why did you let me kiss you? You should have just slapped me, called me an idiot and never spoken to me again. Why do you try so hard to speak to me and to find me? I don't understand. I'm not worth the effort._

Shinji groaned as he felt shampoo start to seep into his eyes. He began to furiously rub at them and trying to get the spray of water over them. It was the last thing he needed along with the searing headache.

_Misato Katsuragi. Nearly 15 years my senior, but still as beautiful as ever. She is the last person I'd think to be in a relationship in, being my former guardian yet last night she was the first person I turned to. I wanted to have sex with someone who used to look after me as a teenage boy! I can't believe myself! Only I could want to do something like that! What the hell are you Shinji Ikari? Why haven't you just wiped yourself from the face of the planet?!_

And that seemed to be a very good question. Shinji had been miserable for years so why hadn't he just ended it by leaping off one of Tokyo-4's skyscrapers or hanging himself from a self-fashioned noose? The answer was deceptively simple for Shinji. During Third Impact, his mother had told him that everybody had a chance to be happy, as long as they had the will to live. Shinji had ever since longed to find his happiness and could only do so if he was alive. It was that simple. However, Shinji had done nothing to help the state of his relationships with people he knew and he had a long way to go if he ever was to achieve happiness through other people.

Shinji stepped out of the shower and quickly dried himself before throwing on a pair of jeans and a dark blue t-shirt with some brand logo Shinji never cared to notice. He also pulled out a jacket and put it on before heading out to get a late breakfast. His first impression as soon as he had stepped foot outside was the magnitude of the snow. After about 2 in the morning, conditions became blizzard like, coating Tokyo-4 in over a metre of snow. Shinji had wanted to drive into town but saw that it would be next to impossible with the amount of snow out there. It looked like today would be a day on the subway.

"To all passengers on this train. Please expect delays of up to ten minutes due to snow clogging up some of the external lines. I repeat, please expect delays of up to ten minutes due to snow clogging up some of the external lines. We are sorry for any inconvenience. Thank you," announced the driver of the subway train over the intercom. Shinji sighed, along with many other users of the mass transit system. It meant Shinji could possibly go an extra ten minutes without food which wasn't an appealing prospect but one that Shinji would have to face anyway. They train set off, taking Shinji deeper into the city and ten minutes later, Shinji got off at his intended stop before they train had reached any point of delay which was thankful.

Shinji found comfort in riding the subways and being in the subway stations. All the people he didn't know seemed to emphasise in his mind his state of reclusion. He didn't know anyone, therefore he was alone here and he found comfort in that. However, it also acted as a reminder of how much pain isolation and loneliness can cause. One some days, Shinji found the later more prominent. Today was one of those days. Shinji walked through the station as quickly as he could and went up onto the streets to a restaurant he often went to alone.

Shinji went inside and ordered a western style fried breakfast, despite it nearly being noon. He felt like he could use it. Shinji soon got his food from a waitress that he recognised but didn't know. She seemed nice enough but Shinji was afraid of even meeting new people. As soon as he got his food, he began to ravenously devour it as was the scale of his hunger. As quickly as he had gotten it, his food was gone and Shinji ordered a coffee to hopefully help his meal to settle. He also made a mental note to buy some painkillers to help against the raging hangover that still persisted.

As he waited for his coffee, Shinji looked up to the TV in the corner which was tuned to the news. Shinji couldn't remember the last time he watched TV so indulged this morning. "…and in other news, NASA had stumbled across what has been described as a large, humanoid shaped object in space several days ago. Upon bringing back the object to Earth, UN authorities immediately took hold of it and brought it right here in Japan. The dispossession of the object has caused outrage among US officials and has currently raised tensions between Japan and the US to record high levels since WWII. The UN though, has been firm in their choice and has already given the US its first formal warning. The UN has even gone as far as to threaten to temporarily suspend the US's status in the UN if it does not comply with the UN's decision and back down the pressure it is putting on Japan. As well as that, many groups in the US believe that it is a conspiracy to cover up what has been claimed as an obvious indicator of alien life. However, a NASA official made the following statement, 'The object found in space is claimed to be of an alien origin. This is simply not the case. There is English writing on the object and we believe that this is one of the Evangelion Units used in the struggle against the angels in the year 2015. That would obviously lead to the conclusion that this is a man made object, not alien as some would seem to claim.' However, it hasn't made the conspiracy theorists any quieter, some who even go as far as saying…"

"Some story, huh?"

"Huh?" Shinji asked, wondering who just said that. When he turned, he saw none other than Misato Katsuragi, who had managed to walk in and sit next to Shinji without him noticing. "Ah, Misato! Sorry, I didn't notice you there!" he said.

"Intended effect," Misato said with a smile. Suddenly, Shinji became incredibly nervous and felt his throat begin to dry up. This was far too soon after the events of last night and he was far from ready to see her again. "Misato…about last night…" Shinji began to say.

"Listen, Shinji, forget about it, okay? It never happened, so we move on, all right?" Misato asked.

"Uh, okay," Shinji said. "I'm just…I'm just so sorry, I didn't know what got over me and…"

"Shinji, you were drunk, I was drunk. It happens. There is no need to apologise," Misato said. "Still friends though, right?"

Shinji managed a smile and said, "Still friends."

"Good to hear," Misato said. "Now, you may be wondering why I've interrupted you during your breakfast. Well, it's just that we have something at NERV that we want you to see." Shinji looked over to the television screen that displayed the story about the object they discovered in space and then back toward Misato in a very telling way. "Yup. You guessed as much," Misato said. "Come with me, Shinji. NERV will take care of your bill for this one."

"Come with you?" Shinji asked nervously. "To NERV? I don't know."

"Shinji, it isn't the same place as it was 10 years ago," Misato said. "We don't expect you to do anything. I just thought that maybe, like me, you would be interested in seeing Evangelion Unit 01 after all this time."

"I just…I just don't know," Shinji said slowly, his head still in a mess from both the alcohol and the events of the previous night. "How did you find me anyway?"

"I work for NERV. If I wanted to find you, I have the means to do so," Misato said.

"Why didn't you just find me before?" Shinji asked.

"Because that wouldn't have been right," Misato answered with a stern face. "Now, are you coming or not? I don't have all day."

* * *

Shinji stared outside the passenger side window of Misato's car as they left the city of Tokyo-4 and headed towards the remains of Tokyo-3. The only think left was a lake with the scattered remnants of old buildings littered about the area. It wasn't the sea of LCL that Shinji saw just after Third Impact, but rather a freshwater lake that filled up as the LCL disappeared over the years. The Japanese government had made the area a historical monument but barely anyone paid visits to the area. It was something they'd all rather forget. Shinji sighed, because he didn't want to forget. He wanted to remember everything he had learned that day and put it into practice, someday and somehow. 

"Is NERV still where it used to be?" Shinji asked, breaking a silence between the two that was only occupied by j-pop music playing softly out of Misato's car radio.

"No, we've had to relocate," Misato answered. "The GeoFront now forms that lake that they're still yet to name."

"I see," Shinji said, before turning his attention back out of the window. Misato was speeding along the highway, overtaking cars left, right and centre. She even flew past several police cars that all could do nothing because her licence plates were official government plates, signifying that her person was infallible. Misato savoured the power of her BMW M6, using all 500 brake-horsepower to the fullest possible use. Shinji wasn't one for fast cars and if he was honest, Misato was currently scaring him, driving at speeds in excess of 150mph despite the snow still falling.

He was glad when Misato pulled off of the highway and headed done a two lane road that led them up a side of a hill, one of the hills that surrounded that lake which was now in clear view. Shinji looked to his right at the seemingly frozen body of water surrounded by the white cover of snow on all sides. It would have seemed perfectly natural had it not been for the shards of old building sticking up from the lake. Shinji shuddered when he saw it all. It just gave him a chilling reminder of the events that transpired ten years ago. Misato was driving at a reasonable speed now because of the snow that had found its way onto the road. She kept driving up the winding road before taking a turn off to the left and heading towards a guard post. Shinji saw that all the guards there were armed with assault rifles so they obviously thought that this place was worth protecting. Misato stopped in front and flashed her NERV ID to the guard who let her through. After that, they literally headed inside the hill where Shinji presumed the new NERV headquarters was located. The first area he saw was a dimly lit car park. Misato headed off to her spot and stopped her car. "We're here," she said, looking over to Shinji. He nodded, before getting out of the car.

Misato led Shinji towards large metal gates that Shinji was all too familiar with. They were the same kind Shinji used to enter the old NERV HQ with. Misato used her ID card before saying, "Also present, one guest."

"Name authentication, please," said a computerised voice.

"Misato Katsuragi," she said.

"Welcome commander and guest," the computerised voice said before the gate in front of them opened.

Misato turned back to look at Shinji and said, "Come on, let's go." However, Shinji felt apprehensive about his first steps into NERV, a place that only ever brought back negative memories for Shinji. If there were any positive ones, they were superseded by the bad. Misato began to hastily walk inside before turning around once more to see that Shinji hadn't moved. She immediately saw the unease in his face. "Shinji, this isn't the NERV that you once knew," Misato said. "So are you coming in or not?"

Shinji took several steps forward, slowly and painstakingly before he found that he was inside the new headquarters. Misato had said it wasn't the NERV he once knew yet everything about it, from the appearance to the feeling Shinji got by simply being inside just reminded him all too much of the old NERV. There actually seemed like there was no difference to Shinji. It had been ten years, but it was a ten years that Shinji lived in fear of ever seeing this place again. Now that he was here, he didn't know what to expect. Misato led him through what seemed like a maze of corridors before reaching a large steel industrial style elevator. Once inside, Misato picked up two hard hats and handed one over to Shinji. He looked at the hat and then Misato with a concerned look on his face, to which Misato said, "Regulations, Shinji. I doubt we actually need them."

The elevator took them deeper and deep underground, making Shinji feel like they were heading in a mine. However, after a moment of descending in darkness, the elevator entered a huge cavern that was most obviously man made. And in the centre of it all was none other than Evangelion Unit 01. Shinji felt Goosebumps pop up all over his body at the sight of the purple and green goliath. The elevator quickly stopped and Misato and Shinji headed out on a platform that was set to the height of Unit 01's head. Misato began her walk at a brisk pace while Shinji walked slowly, looking around and taking everything in. _I can't believe it, _Shinji thought. _It really is Evangelion Unit 01_.

Shinji soon joined Misato who was stood right in front of the mask of the behemoth. Shinji looked over at Misato nervously but her eyes were fixed on the Evangelion. "I never liked the Evangelions," Misato said. "There was always something about them that made me uneasy. Seeing Unit 01 after 10 years and I feel no different." Shinji looked away from Misato and then towards Unit 01, feeling all those horrid times he had spent inside this beast come back to him all too familiarly. It was just like he remembered it with the majority of its armour still intact. The red core was exposed for all to see but apart from that, it was just the Evangelion that Shinji remembered so vividly.

"What now?" Shinji asked.

"Huh?" Misato said, slightly surprised by Shinji speaking.

"What now? What's going to happen to it?" Shinji asked once more. Misato frowned as she looked away from Shinji and back toward the Eva. "To be honest, Shinji, I have no idea. I'm sure the science team here want to get their hands on it to see what they can find out but apart from that, I can't see Eva Unit 01 being used for anything," she replied.

"I see," Shinji said. "Well, I think I've had enough."

"You've had enough?" Misato asked. "Well, I understand. Do you want a lift home?"

"It's okay. I've taken you off your job for long enough. I'll just take the train, thanks," Shinji said. And before Misato could say anything, Shinji about faced and headed for the exit alone. Misato leaned over onto the railings of the platform and sighed. "Why is it, Shinji, that you try so hard to be alone?" she asked aloud.

* * *

Shinji had noted a train station not too far from NERV HQ so he walked there, taking 15 minutes in the cold air of the late afternoon to reach it. Shinji boarded the next train back into Tokyo-4, made sure that he had a seat to himself before pressing the side of his head against the chilly glass of the window. Shinji almost wished that he had a music player of some sort to further shut himself off from the world. The train soon got moving and went at a pace slower than usual because of the amount of snow that lay on the ground. It was the last thing Shinji needed. 

_I just don't know what to make of seeing Unit 01 again, _Shinji thought. _What was I expecting? What was Misato expecting me to do, or to say? Did she expect me to be happy after seeing something I hated for so long? Or did she expect me to lash out in anger? In the end, I just wanted to leave and never see that place or that thing again. But why don't I want to see it again? Is it fear? Is it hatred? I just don't know. I just don't know anything anymore_.

The train began to pick up speed slightly while Shinji continued to stare out of the window, his mind lost with his thoughts. Everything was just so confusing to the 24 year old. Misato was there, ever present, trying to be a friend, yet Shinji never accepted that friendship. He had even tried to take advantage of that, which disgusted him more. Shinji hated being lonely and he hated the pain that came with it yet he knew he was only shooting himself in the foot with the way he was. He could never bring himself to not wanting to be lonely. Shinji knew he was a hypocrite, but it was hypocrisy that he felt that he could do absolutely nothing about.

Shinji got off the train in the city centre and went to another place he knew for lunch. The only words he spoke were those of his order and a 'thank you' after he had finished his meal. Shinji headed back out into the streets to have snow fall on him as he walked towards another place he often visited. It wasn't so cold now, but the snow was definitely getting heavier and less pleasant. Despite the weather, people were out in the city in their thousands and there were still the usual deadlock of traffic. Shinji trudged along to the bar he made regular appearances to. Once inside, he took off his jacket and took his seat in front of the bar. "What can I get you, sir?" the barmaid inquired.

"A beer, please," Shinji said, not specifying any brand.

"A Yebisu?" the barmaid asked.

"Yeah," Shinji said, not really paying attention.

"Coming right up."

Shinji received his drink and paid the appropriate amount of money for it before grabbing a newspaper so that all his attention was off anything else. Shinji began reading an article about the discovery of the object in space before being reminded of everything he once experienced as an Eva pilot. He quickly turned the page and began reading some other story about politics. Shinji showed no real interest in the articles in the paper, but it was the only thing he felt he could do if he was to avoid people in generally. However, despite all his efforts, there were always people out there willing to connect to Shinji. Shinji would have savoured it had he not been so afraid.

A young woman with a slender, elegant figure sat beside Shinji at the bar and ordered herself a drink. She pulled back her black hair then looked over to Shinji and smiled. Shinji smiled back, if only as a gesture. The woman edged over closer to Shinji and said, "Hey there."

"Hi," Shinji said.

"Whatcha reading?" she inquired.

"Some story about political reform," Shinji replied. "I've got nothing better to do."

"I see," she said. "I never got politicians. They never seem to be in the real world."

"They try their best, I'll give them that," Shinji said.

The woman laughed and took a sip of her drink. Shinji glanced over and saw a highly attractive woman who couldn't have been much older than 20. Her straight black hair went down to her shoulders and Shinji could smell the scent of the sweet perfume that she wore. "So, what are you doing alone in a place like this?" Shinji asked.

"Me? Well, I just saw the place and I thought I could use a quick drink before I head on to a party," she explained.

"A party, huh?" Shinji said.

"Yeah, university 'first day of the new year' party," she answered.

"Been there before. Any excuse to have a party," Shinji chuckled before taking another drunk of his beer.

"Too true," the young woman agreed.

"Are you a student?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah, I'm studying law," she replied.

"Oh, cool. I did law as well," Shinji said.

"Really? When did you graduate?"

"Two years ago."

Shinji began to feel uneasy. He felt a connection growing between him and this woman whose name he didn't know. One part was telling him to strengthen that connection. Another was telling him to get up and leave. The latter was always the stronger of the two. Shinji felt like he had no resolve whatsoever. "From Tokyo-4 University?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did. Small world, huh?" Shinji chuckled.

"Uh-huh. I'm only into my second year though," she said.

"Time will fly, trust me," Shinji said.

"I wish and I don't wish that at the same time," she said with a sigh.

"The social life, huh?"

"You got it," the woman said before taking another drink. "So, what's your name…?"

"Listen, I've got to go. It's been really nice, speaking to you though," Shinji said.

And like that, Shinji left that woman alone who had truly wanted to get to know him. Shinji couldn't give himself any explanation for it anymore. It was just something he did to people. He would meet them but never get to know them. Sometimes he would see these people again and he would have another quick chat, but that was it. He hardly ever got to the stage of knowing names. In one case, Shinji had slept with one woman he had met but after that he distanced himself from her and eventually, she forgot all about Shinji. He saw the destructive impact this was having on his life but Shinji just felt like it had snowballed beyond his control. Shinji decided to walk home and drink himself to sleep again. He knew that his over indulgence of alcohol was fast becoming a problem for him but he didn't care. It was just another facet of Shinji's broken life.

As he ventured through the deep snow, he looked up to see someone lying on a park bench. As Shinji moved closer, he saw that the person was a woman and that all she had covering her was a thin, rugged blanket. Shinji moved forward to check on her to see if she was okay and when he saw her face Shinji took several steps back before falling into the snow. Shinji got up again and moved toward the woman and looked at her face one more time to see if his eyes hadn't deceived him. It was the pale face and the blue hair of Rei Ayanami, someone he hadn't seen since Third Impact. Shinji tried to shake her awake but received no response. Shinji checked her pulse and was relieved to find she had one but on the other hand was terrified to find that it was so slow. Shinji then lifted her limp body off of the bench and went as fast as he could to his car. He placed her inside along the back seat before running out to check the streets. However, there was absolute deadlock and it would take too long for Shinji to reach a hospital. Instead, he took Rei's body out of his car and up to his flat.

He laid her along the sofa before getting more blankets, towels and covers to cover Rei with and making sure that she was dry. Along with that, Shinji pulled out some electric heaters and placed them around her at a reasonable distance. Shinji knew that she could possibly be suffering from hypothermia so he needed to warm her up slowly and gradually. Once that was done, Shinji constantly checked on her as well as seeing if traffic was getting any lighter outside. However, the snow was causing widespread delays on the roads, giving Shinji no chance of making to the hospital.

After about half an hour, he saw Rei opened her eyes and Shinji immediately jumped to her side. "Where…where am I?" she asked weakly.

"You're fine, Rei. I found you outside in the snow with nothing but a think blanket. You're inside my flat now," Shinji answered.

"Who…who are you?" Rei asked.

Shinji was slightly surprised by her question, but answered regardless, "I'm Shinji. Shinji Ikari."

"Shinji Ikari?" Rei asked. "I do not know who you are."

Shinji's head dropped when she said that. Rei had no memories of him, it seemed. "And Rei…is that my name?" she asked.

"Yes, that is your name. Rei Ayanami," Shinji answered.

"I see," she said, before drifting back off into sleep. Shinji stood up in front of her and wondered how Rei suddenly appeared on a park bench with next to no clothes on as well as how she had no memory of anything, including her own name. One thing was for sure, and that was Rei was incredibly exhausted and was barely awake for a minute before succumbing to sleep. Happy that she was warm enough, Shinji himself went off to bed and he forgot all about ever wanting to drink himself to bed. However, the sudden reappearance of Rei Ayanami brought along new trials and tribulations that Shinji would have never thought to have to expect.

* * *

Thousands of miles away in Munich, Germany, Asuka Langley Sohryu returned home to her Munich flat after a long day of work. She brushed the snow off of her jacket before hanging it up and heading inside. Asuka worked as a researcher at the physics faculty of Munich's Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich. Upon her return home from Japan, Asuka was hailed as a child prodigy and given a post in research at the physics faculty at the age of 16. Since then, she had received acclaim from several professors for her work in both theoretical and experimental fields. However, it was far from fulfilling to the 24 year old who felt bored and unchallenged by her work. Despite her misgivings, it was all she had and didn't really see any alternative at the moment. 

Asuka was in a mood she couldn't really understand at the moment. She had heard the stories of the object found in space and she immediately knew that it was Evangelion Unit 01. Initially, she had just taken it as an extra piece of information but as time went on, she became increasingly intrigued with the discovery and found her attention straying from her work. Asuka's nights became filled of dreams with the memories of 10 years ago. Times when she was with other people that she could connect to. She hadn't known it then but now, when it was too late, she realised how similar some of those people were to her. Especially Shinji Ikari. They were so alike, it was almost unbelievable. However, Asuka had been afraid of that similarity and had even grown to hate the boy. Now, she wondered if there was ever to be any reconciliation.

She entered her living room and saw a flashing light on her answering machine. Asuka pulled out a cigarette from her pocket, pressed the play button before heading out onto the balcony to smoke. "One new message," said the voice of her answering machine. "Left, 1st January 2026, at time, 11:22." Asuka took one pull of her cigarette before hearing the voice of her boyfriend on the line. She expected some useless message about when their next date was or something along those lines. Instead, she heard, "Hey Asuka. It's Hans. I've been trying to call you all morning, but you're at work, aren't you? Listen…I've said for the past while we needed to talk. And now, it doesn't even seem like I can string a sentence to you anymore. Asuka…after six months…it's not working. You managed to put so much distance between us even though we've been standing right next to each other. I'm sorry…and goodbye."

"End of message," her answering machine conveniently announced.

Asuka tossed her barely-smoked cigarette off the balcony and headed back inside. She stood in front of her answering machine, simply staring at it with blackened eyes. Finally, she snapped. "AAAAGGGH!" she screamed, swinging her foot at the small silver object. Her kick connected with the answering machine, sending it flying across the other side of her living room and smashing into pieces on the opposite wall. She threw herself onto her sofa and grabbed her head with her hands. "I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!" she cried.

Yet, the more she thought about it, the more it seemed her now ex-boyfriend was right. Asuka calmed down incredibly quickly and sat up with his words playing through her mind. _You managed to put so much distance between us even though we've been standing right next to each other. That's what he said. Was that…my fault? _Asuka thought. _Is everything that hurts me my fault? Why can't I blame anyone else? It always comes back to me!_ Asuka sat with her head down and waited for tears to come. However, she knew that she couldn't cry. She wouldn't let herself cry. It was something Asuka just didn't do.

As she sat there, something began to overtake her thoughts. She immediately got up and set up her laptop. As she waited for it to load, she pulled out another cigarette and shakily attempted to light it. After flicking her lighter another four times, her cigarette was finally lit and she inhaled deeply, hating herself for doing so. Smoking was something she picked up from her boyfriend and now she just wanted to stop to disconnect herself from him. Yet, from his words, maybe that was something Asuka already had managed to do. At first, she really liked the guy, believing that this could be a true relationship. Then, it just turned into gratification from sex. And afterwards, Asuka even received nothing from the sex. It just became another thing with him. She had grown cold and distant to him. She was happy to admit that to herself.

Once her computer was loaded up, Asuka went on the internet and bought herself a ticket for the soonest flight from Munich to Tokyo-4. It would be tomorrow. Once that was done, Asuka phoned her lab and left a message, "Hello, this is Asuka Langley Sohryu. Just to say that I am leaving the country for personal reasons so I won't be in for the next few weeks, possibly. And don't try to contact me; my answering machine is broken." Once she hung up, Asuka pulled out another cigarette and placed it in her mouth before heading out to the balcony. However, she stopped as her hand reached up to light the cigarette. Instead, she took the cigarette out of her mouth and threw it over the balcony, shortly followed by her lighter. Next, she pulled out the packet from her pocket and tossed that over as well. With that done, she stood there and watched the snow begin to envelop the city of Munich on this day, the first of the year 2026.


	2. Eleanor Rigby

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. They belong to Anno and his crew at Gainax.

* * *

She woke up as soon the sun began to trickle onto her face. Upon awakening, she sat up and pulled her hair soft, blue hair back from her face. Her surroundings were unfamiliar, just as everything else seemed to be as well. She did not know how she gotten to where she was, but felt comfortable and warm nonetheless. As she sat up, she began to remember the incidents of the previous night and how she was told what her name was. "Rei Ayanami," she softly whispered. She did not know whether that man who had taken her in really knew her name or whether if that was just a given name he bestowed upon her. All she knew that without his kindness, she would have most likely have died out alone in the freezing chill of the winter night

How she got to where she had been was a mystery to her. Her memory only seemed to begin after last night. Everything before that was blank. Rei struggled to comprehend how this was and how she seemed to be in her early 20's yet only remembered the previous day. The dominant image in her mind was that of the man, Shinji Ikari as he had identified himself as, and how he so poignantly told her what her name was. She remained confused about the issue but aside from all of it, her main memory was of Shinji Ikari. She pictured his face clearly and wondered why, despite that being the first time she had ever seen him, Shinji was so familiar to her.

Across in the bedroom, Shinji Ikari was stirring awake. It was unusually early for him as he never seemed to wake before twelve if he wasn't working. Today just proved to be one of those days. Shinji glanced across to his alarm clock and groaned when he read the time. _8 o'clock?! That just makes the day longer than it needs to be_, he thought as he got up out of bed. Shinji walked up to his mirror and looked at his reflection. However, this time, he didn't see a hung-over, depressed Shinji but rather a fresh, more thoughtful Shinji. It was a change at least and a good way to start his Friday morning.

Shinji then headed out into the living room, completely oblivious to what, or who, might be sitting up naked on his sofa. "AH! Rei!" Shinji cried. The blue haired woman turned over to face Shinji with a puzzled look on her face. "Is anything the matter?" Rei inquired.

"Uh, you should, uh, cover up," Shinji said, trying his best not to look at the naked upper body of Rei. It was like déjà vu and Shinji knew that he had been in a situation like this before but at least now there was no suggestive position. "Cover up?" Rei asked. She looked down and saw that she was slightly too exposed and chose to wrap a blanket around her body. "Is this better?" she asked.

"Yeah," Shinji said in a relieved tone. "I could get you something to wear, but I don't have any woman's clothing…sorry."

"It is all right," Rei said. "I am happy to wear whatever you are willing to give."

Shinji nodded before showing Rei into his bedroom and then to his wardrobe. "Uh, just take anything you think will do," Shinji said.

"I will," Rei said. "And thank you."

"It's no problem," Shinji said.

"No, I mean for saving my life last night. I would have died had you not found me," Rei said with a smile.

"Oh, uh, you're welcome," Shinji said, nervously returning the smile. With that, Shinji promptly left Rei to get dressed while he headed off to the kitchen. Once there, Shinji poured himself a cup of water and downed it all in one go. It was hardly the morning he expected. And as well as that, Rei seemed very different. She wasn't like the Rei that Shinji remembered. This Rei smiled spontaneously and seemed to possess a much warmer character. Shinji didn't know what to make of it at all if he was being honest.

Shinji began to prepare some toast when Rei emerged from his room, dressed in one of his white shirts and a pair of jeans which were both far too big for her petite frame. "They do not fit so well, but they will do," Rei said with a smile.

"If you're comfortable in them, then I'm happy for you to wear them," Shinji said.

"Thank you…for the clothes," Rei said.

"You're welcome," Shinji replied. "Uh, would you like some breakfast? It's only simple, I can't really cook."

"That would be wonderful."

_This Rei is really different! _Shinji thought. He went to place another piece of bread in his toaster and also took some cereal out of his cupboard just in case the toast wouldn't quite cut it for Rei. "Would you like some?" Shinji asked, holding the box out so that Rei could see.

"Yes, please," Rei said. "I'm really, really hungry."

"Yeah, I could understand why," Shinji said. The young man went about pouring the cereal into the bowl along with some milk while Rei watched, strangely absorbed by the usually mundane process of preparing a quick-fix breakfast. "Here you go," Shinji said, passing the bowl over.

"Thank you," Rei said, before immediately devouring what would be only the first part of her breakfast.

Shinji waited for the toast while Rei ate her cereal. She was certainly doing it with purpose which caused Shinji to smile. As he did, he began to wonder when the last time he really smiled over something so simple. In fact, Shinji could hardly remember the last time he smiled sincerely. Had he seen Rei smile this much ten years ago then sure, a smile would have definitely appeared on Shinji's face but now, things were a little different. "Thank you again," Rei said, handing over the empty bowl to Shinji.

"Ah," he said, fairly surprised. As Shinji took the bowl from the Rei, the toast popped out of the toaster, just showing Shinji how much Rei wanted that food.

Shinji then prepared some coffee and toast for Rei and the two sat down at the table after Shinji collected his newspaper from the letterbox. As Shinji read, he continually glanced over to Rei who looked so happy and content just munching on a piece of toast. Occasionally, she would flick the crumbs off of her lips, causing both her and Shinji to giggle. _She's almost like a child, _Shinji thought. _But she looks my age…what the hell is going on with Rei? That is something I would most definitely like to know_. Shinji's mind seemed strangely at ease apart from wondering about Rei. There was none of the tension that he faced on a day to day basis about people he would meet or see and the fear that came associated. Rei had a calming influence over Shinji that no other person he had known recently could have mustered. His worries and his troubles seemed to take a backseat and now, the only thing Shinji had on his mind was making sure that Rei was okay. _Maybe that's a sign…just a sign, that I may have retained some of the humanity I may have once had, _Shinji thought.

"I'm done, Shinji," Rei said.

"Okay, sure. Just put the stuff in the sink. I'll wash up later," Shinji requested.

"Shinji, you saved my life...I think I can do the dishes for you," Rei said.

"Huh? Rei, it's all right," Shinji said, getting up out of his seat. "You don't have to…" He saw Rei smile happily as she ran the warm water over the plates and began to wash them with a soft, gentle gracefulness that Shinji had seen before from Rei. He remembered it clearly, that time when she wrung out a cloth when they both had to stay behind after school. It reminded Shinji of something he never really had. "Hey, Rei?" Shinji said.

"Hmm?" she asked.

"You look like a mother…when you do that," Shinji said nervously.

"A…mother?" Rei asked, her cheeks going slightly rosy. "I…I don't know what to say."

"It…it doesn't matter. I said too much anyway," Shinji said anxiously before sitting back down and returning to his newspaper.

_There was that fear again, _Shinji thought. _We definitely used to have a connection ten years ago, although I never knew quite what, and now as soon as we come close to rebuilding that connection, I back away in fear. What is wrong with you Shinji? Why can't you just stop pushing people away who genuinely want to be friends with you, or care about you? Why can't you just stop being an idiot?_

"I'm done," Rei said, glancing over to Shinji with the smile that never seemed to leave her face now.

"Thanks Rei. You didn't have to do that," Shinji said, weakly smiling back to Rei. "So, I was wondering, what are your plans?"

"My plans?" Rei asked with a perplexed look on your face.

"I mean, when you plan to go home. I mean...well, you can stay here as long as you need to…of course," Shinji said.

"I…I do not have a home," Rei said.

"You don't have a home?" Shinji asked. "Then where did you stay for the past ten years?"

"I cannot remember anything before yesterday. The rest is blank," Rei explained.

"So you don't have a home, or any belongings?" Shinji further inquired.

"No. The only thing I know is here, and you," Rei said.

Shinji frowned, wondering what he should do. He knew he had to let her stay at his place and he did have a spare bedroom that wasn't being used. However, it was the long run that had Shinji worried. How would she take a world that she doesn't remember or even know for that matter? "I am sorry if I am a burden to you, Shinji," Rei apologised.

"No, no, that's hardly it! I'm just thinking about, well, I guess I'm just thinking about your future, really," Shinji said. "You are more than welcome to stay here for the time ahead though. Actually, I _insist_ that you stay here."

"I…I would be very glad to, Shinji," Rei said.

"That's good," Shinji said with a smile. "Now, I think you need some clothes, right?"

"Ah, yes, clothes."

"I'll just call somebody I know to help the process along," Shinji said. He stood up and went to his phone to dial Misato's number. And for the first time ever, he managed to get past the fourth digit and dial the entire number. And it was all because of Rei, more so in the sense that she really did need some clothes. Shinji began to wonder where this might take him.

* * *

"Attention to all passengers, this is your captain, Bernard Webber speaking," said the captain of the Airbus A380 airliner. "Thank you for choosing Lufthansa for your flight today. Today's flight is to Singapore and we expect the flight to take around 12 hours. Once airborne, please feel free to take full advantage of our facilities on board. Now however, I ask that you turn your attention to the screens to your front for information regarding an emergency situation." Asuka scoffed. _In a real emergency, neither this plane nor its passengers stand a chance, _she thought. _Happy thoughts, Asuka. Nice going_. Asuka shook her head and tried to focus her attention outside of the window. She was grateful for a window seat. It meant she could simply stare outside with little chance of her mind wandering. That's what she hoped anyway.

Sitting next to her was a middle-aged man of Middle-Eastern descent who was paying as much attention to the 'in the event of an emergency' video as Asuka was, with his head down in what seemed to be a medical journal. Next to him was a woman who was presumably his wife. _Well, _Asuka thought,_ at least the neighbours will be all right. I'm just hoping there's not a baby on this part of the plane or else I might just go crazy_. She did intend to sleep most of the journey to Singapore as well as the connecting flight to Tokyo-4. Knowing how her mind worked, Asuka saw little chance of that.

The last time she was on a flight this long was when she flew from Japan to Germany just under ten years ago. That hadn't been too pleasant if she remembered correctly. The whole time, she just questioned herself on why she was leaving Japan. The most obvious reason was that Germany was her home country and she no longer had any reason to stay in Japan but then there were other questions. The most prominent of them all was; why didn't she say goodbye before leaving? She left without telling anybody, leaving it for them to figure out. The least she could have done was to say that she wanted to return home. And knowing Misato, that would have been an excuse for a party.

Things were a lot different back then. The entire world was still trying to recover from the shock that Third Impact had brought. Misato, Shinji and she didn't really have a home as there was no more Tokyo-3. They just found themselves in accommodations that were by no means shabby allocated to them by the UN. Asuka remembered how they announced the building of Tokyo-4 and how Misato smiled when she heard that news. "I think Tokyo-4 will be our new home," Misato had said to both Shinji and she. Asuka had already decided to go back to Germany by that point. And as she boarded that flight at Tokyo-2 international airport, Asuka had a sneaking suspicion that Misato wasn't completely in that dark about her leaving, but decided to do nothing about it. She knew Shinji was none the wiser and she continually wondered how he took it after she left.

_It was selfish of me, _Asuka thought. _I could have just told them. It's not like they would have stopped me. _She sighed quietly. _That was nearly ten years ago. Why am I still thinking about it? _Many things, often trivial, could weigh down thoughts however. At the moment for Asuka, it was the thoughts that she had on that plane as it waited to take off for Munich, Germany all that time ago. And time didn't really seem to dampen the feelings Asuka had from back then. It just weakened the bonds she had shared with people that she knew she should have cared for. The way she thought about it seemed to place a lot of blame on herself. The alternative was not to think about it at all and that seemed to be impossible for her.

Instead, she thought back to her time in Germany immediately following her return to the country. She hated having to do it but she moved back in with her family. She didn't really have any other option. After settling back into the country and readopting German as her first language, she set about seeing if the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich would take her on as a research assistant. Having already graduated at the tender age of twelve, they said they would give her the post once she was of a more suitable age. When she asked what they meant by a suitable age, they told her 16. It meant she didn't have that long to wait but she had nothing to do to pass all that time either.

That period where she had nothing to do was the worst time for Asuka. It was the time when she would sometimes write letters to send to Japan. She finished the first one she wrote and placed it in an envelope, ready to send. However, as she was writing the address on the envelope, she stopped herself, dropping the pen as she did. That letter was left on the desk in her room and eventually found its way onto the floor. Several months later, Asuka tried again, writing another letter. This time, she didn't even finish writing it. It was left on her table with a streak of ink across the end of the page where she dragged her pen in frustration after failing to finish the letter. At first, she made excuses to herself, the best one being that her kanji was sloppy and they wouldn't have been able to understand it. However, she knew that she was afraid. She had a fear a re-establishing a contact that she had effectively severed for another fear of pain. Despite a letter being just a piece of paper, they could also be deeply personal and sometimes you couldn't help but hear the voice of the person who sent it to you in your head as you read. Asuka was even afraid of that.

She couldn't bear reading a letter and knowing that she left these people. That could only cause pain and it was something she had learned to hate. The months passed and Asuka attempted a third, but she never got past, 'Dear Shinji, dear Misato'. That was the last one she tried before getting her job as a physics research assistant. Her work kept her mind off of other things and she received praise for performing such work at a young age. The more Asuka worked and earned, the more she wanted to leave her home and live by herself, being self-reliant and independent. Her father heard of this and soon the rift between them grew. For nearly a year, they never exchanged more than ten words. It made her think, where was her real family? Was it the family here in Germany, or was it the surrogate family she had found over in Japan? Her mind leaned painfully toward the latter.

On her 18th birthday, Asuka had raised enough money to rent a decent flat out in the city and decided to do so without seeking her father's permission. Her step-mother had initially been worried but Asuka reassured her, saying that she knew how to live by herself. Asuka promised to call every week from her new home as well. Looking back on it, Asuka hadn't called in three years. She hadn't seen or heard from her family in that time as well, which suited her. Cutting herself off from people was something she seemed to do effectively. She relished being able to live alone and do what she pleased. She relished being away from her father. On the day of her moving out, her father said more to her than he had said over that entire year. "Asuka," he had said, "I'm just afraid you'll do something like your mother." To that, Asuka replied by slapping him hard across his cheeks. "Don't you dare ever say something like that again," she said. "I'm not my mother. I am me. I guess you're just disappointed because I didn't turn into everything you wished for, huh? Well, I won't apologise for who I am."

"Asuka," he said next, holding his right cheek, "why do you try so hard to be alone?"

To that, the reply was a stunned silence. She could not find that answer then. She couldn't find it now. That question rung through her head on her first night alone in her new flat. She sat on a lone sofa, surrounded by cardboard boxes still yet to be opened. In her hand was a glass of wine that she had been trying to enjoy, whilst trying to keep her minds off the words her father had uttered to her. Did she really try hard to be alone? _Being alone is the last thing on my mind, _she had thought. _I have it all. I'm independent and I have my own home, paid for with money I worked for. I'm an aspiring new physicist at the university and I receive masses of praise for my work from the professors. _She then dropped her head with her forehead gently touching the glass she grasped with both hands. _Then why don't I feel happy? _Asuka had thought next.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and the months eventually transitioned into six long years. Asuka went through several boyfriends, who never lasted more than a month. She pushed them away because she didn't like any of them after that length of time had passed and that was all right, wasn't it? They didn't live up to her expectations of what a man should bring into her life, so she told them to go. Everybody did it. Asuka was doing nothing wrong. And then there was Hans. Her latest boyfriend who Asuka had been seeing for over six months. She finally thought she had found who she had been looking for. Everything with him was seemingly perfect. However, the more perfect it got, the more Asuka started to push him away anyway and the more she became unsatisfied with everything he could provide. Nothing seemed good enough just to make her smile, to make her happy.

Asuka was distracted from her thoughts for a moment as she felt the sensation of leaving the Earth as the aeroplane's wheels lift off of the ground. She had been so lost in her stream of consciousness that she never noticed the aircraft taxiing towards the runway and accelerating towards takeoff velocity. Asuka watched out of the window as the city of Munich became smaller and smaller until all she could see was a grey patch in a white, snow covered landscape. _Auf Wiedersehen Munch__ën_, Asuka thought as her home for so many years disappeared from sight as the Airbus rose above the clouds into glorious clear skies that always seemed to be a deeper blue at this altitude. _Auf Wiedersehen Deutschland_, she thought as well, saying goodbye to her home country for the second time in her short life. However, none of her thoughts turned to her family she was leaving behind. She hadn't told them that she was leaving the country and she was almost glad that she had lost contact with them. Despite never really getting along with her family, she still felt selfish not giving at least an indicator of her departure. And with her thoughts coming back to plague her, Asuka felt like this was going to be a very long flight indeed.

* * *

"Thanks for coming on such short notice, Misato," Shinji said.

"No problem. This was something I just had to see," she replied with a smile. Misato wondered into Shinji's flat and saw Rei sitting on the couch, waiting quietly with her hands in her lap. She turned around slowly to see Misato, who smiled and wave. "Hi Rei. I brought you some stuff of mine. It might not fit but it beats wearing men's clothes, right?" she said, handing over a small pile to her.

"Thank you," Rei said, taking the clothes with both arms. She then tried to say something, but came across a mental roadblock. "I am sorry, but I do not know…I do not remember who you are," she said quietly.

"That's all right," Misato said. "I'm Misato Katsuragi. You can just call me Misato."

"Misato…" Rei said slowly, feeling the name was somehow familiar, like Shinji's. Familiarity was one thing, knowing for sure was another and Rei still really didn't know who these people were and what her connection to them was.

"You know," Misato said, "somehow I don't think this will do."

"Huh?" Shinji asked.

"I think we need to take Rei out shopping," the purple haired woman suggested, stroking her chin with a strangely menacing look in her eyes.

"Maybe," Shinji said.

"Shinji, how are you for money?" Misato next inquired.

"Uh, well, I still have most of my Christmas bonus…"

"That'll do! Come on Rei, we're going shopping!" Misato declared.

"Shopping? For what?" the blue haired woman inquired.

"We're going to buy you some clothes for you to have as your own!" Misato replied. "Come on, my car's outside! Let's go!"

They got into Misato's car and she pulled out from the parking lot adjacent to the block of flats where Shinji called home. She pulled out and headed towards the city centre, only to come up short against what seemed like miles of deadlocked traffic. "Uh, it was all right when I drove in," Misato said worriedly. "Damn, it'll take hours just to make one mile."

"I warned you about the traffic," Shinji said.

"Did you? Sorry, I must have not heard you right," Misato apologised. "Maybe we should just park up somewhere and take the subway as well."

"I said we should take the subway as well," Shinji added with a tired sigh.

"Sorry, my bad. You know what I'm like with listening to people!" Misato said, cutting in front of two lanes of traffic, causing several drivers to blow their horns, to park her car in a space barely large enough for her fairly large BMW M6. As well as that, where she parked was a disabled parking space. "Misato, you never change, do you?" Shinji asked.

"Nope," Misato chirped as she unbuckled and stepped out of her car.

As soon as she did, she was approached by a police officer. "Oh, morning officer," Misato greeted.

"Morning ma'am," he replied. "Can I ask why you're parked in a disabled parking space?"

"Look at the licence plates officer, and then tell me that you're going to give me a ticket," Misato said, pointing back to her car with her thumb.

The officer quickly glanced over to the plates as Misato had instructed and immediately said, "Sorry for bothering you ma'am. Have a nice day."

"Thank you," Misato said.

"How do you get away with these things?" Shinji asked.

"I work for the UN. They think I do an important job so I get certain privileges," Misato answered. "Anyway, are we all set to go?" Shinji nodded his head and looked back towards Rei who was taking in the scale of the city around her. "Yes, I am ready," she replied with a smile.

"That's good," Misato said.

The three went to the nearest subway station to take a train into the city centre and begin their little shopping expedition. As the train left the station, Shinji glanced over to Rei who was fascinated by the workings of the train and the speed that they were travelling it. She seemed to have a permanent smile on her face which was something Shinji never expected from Rei. He wondered about what she may have been thinking about. Considering that she had lost her memory, this would have been like the first time on a subway for her and she greeted it with the same eagerness that a child would have. It made Shinji smile, seeing her looking around and soaking everything in as if it were the first time she had seen it all. Soon, they reached their stopped and Rei literally skipped off of the train, causing Misato and Shinji to laugh as they ran after her. After they caught up, they headed up onto the streets were the cold was ever present. Misato rubbed her hands together and said, "Now, where do we start?"

Shinji took a back seat as Misato took Rei to several different stores to browse through clothing and occasionally buy something for Rei with both Misato and Shinji putting in money. Shinji didn't mind not being so involved. He was never one to be at the forefront of things and let Misato handle it all for Rei. Shinji was actually fairly grateful Misato was there. He didn't really know the first thing about woman's clothing, what looked good, what was comfortable and all and was happy just to stand back. And standing back gave him a good view of how Rei had seemingly changed. She seemed so enthusiastic and possessed so much energy. Shinji didn't know why she smiled so much though. Rei didn't have much at the moment. She had nowhere to call home and nothing in the way of possessions. She was with people that because of her memory she did not really know. The only thing she could really remember was barely escaping death in a frigid winter night inside a city that she probably didn't even know the name of.

After about two hours of shopping, they had several bags full of clothes. It was all fairly inexpensive stuff and Misato had helped Rei pick out clothes that were practical and that would last, as well as looking good. They went back into a subway station and waited for the next train that would take them back towards Shinji's home. As they stood, Shinji glanced over to Rei who was keenly looking through her new clothes with bright eyes. She seemed so content with what little she had. She seemed so happy. It came easily to her. Shinji struggled to find anything that would make him content and that would make him happy. He wanted to know what made Rei the way she was now. His curiosity was very much getting the better of him. "Rei?" Shinji asked.

"Hmm?" she said, turning her attention away from her new clothes.

"You say that you don't have a home, right? You also have no possessions and Misato and I must be like strangers because you don't remember who we are. I was just wondering…how are you so happy? How can you smile so easily?" Shinji asked awkwardly. It wasn't the easiest of questions to ask for him and he was afraid that maybe Rei would be offended. However, she was quick to reply. "It is because I am not alone," she offered with a smile. "You and Misato, you are like my friends and you are both very kind to me. Because of this, I know that I am not alone and that is enough for me to be happy."

Maybe it was an overly optimistic view but it was so simple and it worked for Rei. She managed to find contentedness in something as simple as having people around you who you can consider your friends. Shinji could not bring himself into thinking he had friends. His mind would tell him that there was something wrong if he thought he had friends and he would most likely end up trying to push them away like he usually did. However, Shinji just wished that it wasn't like that for him. He wished that he could change the way he was. He had always wanted to change the way he was. However, that desire to change had always been stamped out by fear and a fear of pain. After everything that happened after Third Impact, the last thing Shinji needed was pain.

They got off the train and walked up to Misato's car which was only about a hundred metres away from Shinji's flat. Shinji and Rei just opted to walk back while Misato would try and navigate her way through the traffic and back out of the city once again so that she could get to work. "So, I'll guess I'll see you two later," Misato said.

"Sure thing," Shinji said.

"That would be nice," Rei said with a smile. "Thank you very much, Misato."

"No problem! I was glad to help," Misato said, giving the two a thumbs up. The two watched as Rei wondered off, simply taking the sights of the city in, taking particular attention to the cars strangled in traffic. "Shinji, I should be expecting another call from you, yeah?" Misato asked.

"Yeah, I'll call, don't worry," Shinji said.

"I've only been waiting years for you to make a call but it's a start," Misato said. "Now Shinji, I don't want you getting your hands all over Rei."

"Misato!" Shinji exclaimed.

"I'm being serious. She's in a very vulnerable state and I know what you were like in university, bedding all those gorgeous young women without ever bothering to call back," Misato said with a stern expression.

"It was different with them," Shinji said, surprised that Misato would bring up his university sex-life. "I was just trying…"

"To fill up some of the empty holes in your life?" Misato finished.

"Yeah," Shinji said, his cheeks going a tad red. "But I wasn't even thinking about that with Rei. I promise.

"Okay, I believe you. Sorry if I sounded like I was accusing you of anything," Misato said.

"It's okay. I know what I was like in university," Shinji said. "I was…lonely. Acting the way I did didn't help matters either."

"We sometimes fall into that trap, thinking that sex is happiness," Misato noted. "You quickly learn the hard way that it only manages to keep problems at bay momentarily."

"I know," Shinji said. "There have been many things learnt the hard way for me."

"Also, while we're on the subject, you should watch the booze, Shinji," Misato added. "The amount you're drinking is even beginning to get me worried."

"I'm trying, Misato," Shinji said. "Sometimes things go beyond my control."

"Bullshit," Misato said harshly. "Things are never beyond your control. You decide your own fate, Shinji. Remember that."

"Maybe…"

"Jeez, I'm sounding like a nagging mom, aren't I?" Misato asked with a laugh.

"A bit," Shinji said, having a light chuckle as well.

"Oh well. I guess I have to get going. Duty calls and all. And you'll look after Rei, won't you?" Misato asked.

"Yes, I will," Shinji replied.

"Is that a promise?" Shinji glanced over to Rei who was watching the cars speeding in from outside the city only to slow down to a dead stop once inside the city. Then he turned to Misato and said, "Yes, that's a promise."

"Glad to hear it," Misato said. "I'll call, okay? And if I leave a message, call back, all right?"

"Sure thing."

Shinji walked over to Rei before watching Misato cut across several lanes of traffic in an improvised u-turn that caused several angry drivers to honk their horns in protest. The scene made Rei laugh who said, "She really is a crazy driver, isn't she?"

"Yeah, that's a bit of an understatement," Shinji agreed.

Rei then turned her red eyes toward Shinji and asked, "So Shinji. Where to now?"

Shinji managed a smile and replied, "Home, Rei. We're going home."

* * *

Asuka hated the long flights. She also hated the waiting associated with them. She spent a painfully long three hours at Changi International Airport in Singapore before boarding her connecting flight to Tokyo-4 International Airport. She was thankful when the Airbus A380 lifted off, finally en route to Tokyo-4. Asuka was finally going to get there. She didn't really know the reason why she booked a flight back to Japan in the first place but she was happy that she was nearly there after so long. Just a few more hours until her plane would touch down, allowing her to step off into a land that she knew all too well with people that she was anxious to see yet held apprehension for that approaching meeting.

She passed the time by watching the in flight TV. Nothing particularly great was being shown, but Asuka had nothing else that could occupy her time more fully. As she gazed at the screen in front of her, the program broke annoyingly for a commercial break. Asuka sighed heavily, not in the mood to listen to people trying to sell her things. Halfway into the break, there was an advert in black and white, for some charity or another. However, it wasn't the ad that caught her attention. It was the song that played during it. The words hit her hard, serving as a reminder to her of what she was going through.

"Ah, look at all the lonely people.

Ah, look at all the lonely people.

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice from

the church where the wedding has been.

Lives in a dream.

Waits at the window, wearing the face

that she keeps in a jar by the door.

Who is it for?

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

Asuka immediately recognised the song as 'Eleanor Rigby' by the Beatles. Never before, however, have the lyrics, the powerful vocal melodies and the sound of the string quartet connected so much to her. The advert was soon over, but Asuka decided to switch off the TV, her mind in a train of thought about the lyrics of the song. _Maybe I'm just one of all those lonely people, _Asuka thought._ Or maybe I'm picking up the rice from a wedding, a pointless and meaningless endeavour, maybe one that just sums up this hollow existence I've been leading. Living in a dream? Maybe. Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar? Yeah, sounds like me all right. Just like ten years ago when I thought I could hide my emotions by trying to always be the best. I kept that face in a jar, didn't I, and wore it when it was most convenient for me. And where do the lonely people belong? I don't know, but one thing I do is that I don't want to be one of those lonely people. I don't want to be like Eleanor Rigby. I don't want to live a lonely life. I don't want to die lonely. I want to find happiness. Somehow, it'll happen. I'm not going to end up like my mother. I'm not going to end up like Eleanor Rigby. I'm not going to where all the lonely people belong._

The sounds of the string section echoed in her head as Asuka began to stare out of the window once more. A sudden epiphany, brought about by a song 60 years old. Testament, maybe, to the enduring nature of the music of The Beatles, but Asuka felt that she just needed something to help her begin on the right path. A path to end her constant struggle with loneliness. The lyrics of that song managed to make something in her mind click. Eleanor Rigby epitomised everything Asuka didn't want to become. She didn't want to be one of all those lonely people. Asuka internally gave words of thanks out to John, Paul, George and Ringo as she felt the aircraft begin to descend.

She watched as they dropped below the clouds and a snow covered Japan came into view. It was snowing at the moment and it was interesting to see the flakes fly past the window. Soon, the Airbus A380 was circling above Tokyo-4 International Airport and Asuka wanted the pilot to hurry up and get clearance to land so that she could walk on Japanese soul for the first time in nearly ten years. Asuka began to get impatient from excitement, something she hadn't experienced in years. She did get impatient, but it was more out of anger than anything else. Now, she just wanted to get on the ground and it was almost a good impatience because she was keen to get going, keen to set things right.

The aeroplane finally began its approach towards one of Tokyo-4 International's many runways and touched down smoothly before taxiing off to the terminal building. It felt like an eternity before they were allowed to leave the aircraft. Asuka grabbed her hand luggage and promptly left the A380 and finally entering Japan on her own two feet. Asuka went about the whole airport drill as quickly as she could, collecting her one suitcase and trying to leave the airport as soon as possible. She had enough of aeroplanes and anything aeroplane related for a long time coming after her lengthy flight.

As Asuka headed to the exit, she remembered the e-mail she sent to a friend she had in junior high, Hikari Horaki, the class rep, before leaving for the airport in Munich. Asuka wondered if Hikari received the e-mail and answered Asuka's request of meeting her at the airport. It was probably too much to hope for, because Asuka hadn't kept in contact with Hikari and her e-mail may have proved too sudden for Hikari. Asuka still hoped regardless because as it stood, Asuka had nowhere to stay or go to, nor did she know where anything was in a city that was completely unfamiliar to her. Tokyo-4 was still in its bare infancy when Asuka left the country before.

"You know, I wondered whether you were really coming back or not," said a voice that Asuka once knew. The redhead turned around to see Hikari smiling, standing with her arms folded. "Welcome back, Asuka," she said.

"Thanks…thanks for coming," Asuka said, shocked and relieved that Hikari appeared, as well as being happy that she could still speak Japanese fluently. Asuka went forward to hug the only person she could have called her friend during her time as an Eva pilot. "Don't mention it," Hikari said. "Although I'm still looking for an explanation for why you left the country all those years ago."

"It's…complicated," Asuka replied. "Can we go? I'm sick of airports."

"Sure thing. Follow me, my car's just outside," Hikari said.

Asuka finally emerged into fresh air, albeit slightly chilly fresh air. The snow was still falling lightly and the powdery stuff was all around them. Thankfully, the footpaths and roads were clear of snow but the fields surrounding the airport were covered in a thick white blanket of it. "Here we are," Hikari said, stopping beside a 4 by 4, a Toyota Land Cruiser.

"This is your car?" Asuka asked, expecting something a bit less macho from Hikari.

"Well, it is and it isn't. It's my fiancé's," Hikari pointed out as she opened the boot.

"Oh, and who's the lucky guy?" Asuka inquired, placing her suitcase inside the back of the Toyota.

"I'll tell you once we're in the car. It's freezing out here," Hikari said. Asuka nodded agreement and went towards the left of the car and climbed in the passenger side. The Japanese drove on the left side of the road like the British and having nearly spent the last ten years in Germany, Asuka almost found herself going to the right hand side of the car, expecting that to be the passenger. Readjustment was best taken one step at a time.

Once Hikari reversed out of the parking spot and began to drive off, Asuka asked, "So, who is the lucky guy? You said you would tell me." Hikari drove up to a junction and leaned forward, checking her right and then her left before turning left, exiting the airport and heading for the highway that would take them into Tokyo-4. "Well, remember a talk we once had during school?" Hikari asked.

"We had lots of talks," Asuka pointed out.

"Right, but this was a talk where I was really nervous. About a guy that I liked," Hikari continued Asuka turned to face Hikari with a look of complete shock on her face. "That jock? No way, you're engaged to Toji Suzuhara?!" the German exclaimed.

"Yeah," Hikari said. "We've been engaged for nearly half a year now. High school sweethearts and everything. We want to get married pretty soon if we can."

"That's great news," Asuka said with a smile. Then, a thought occurred to her as her smile faded. "You know, Hikari, I was just wondering, are you happy?" Asuka inquired.

"Am I happy? Of course I'm happy. I couldn't ask for anything else," Hikari replied. "Why?" As she glanced over the Asuka, the expression on the redhead's face said it all. "I see," Hikari said. "You're not happy, are you? Is that why you returned to Japan?"

"I'm not too sure why I returned to Japan," Asuka said. "One thing is for sure, I'm sick of being lonely and I'm sick of being unhappy."

"Was it not good for you in Germany?" Hikari inquired.

"I don't know. I had a job doing something I enjoyed. I had a few boyfriends, although none of them really lasted. I guess my life was fairly normal but something about it all was just…unsatisfying. I was never happy," Asuka explained. "Although I could be to blame for that. I kept pushing the people dearest to me away. Like my family, and my last boyfriend. He said that I managed to push him away despite the fact that we were standing right next to each other. He was right."

Hikari frowned upon hearing about Asuka's unhappiness. She still considered Asuka one of her friends, even if they hadn't seen each other in years. She would do everything in her power to help her. "And maybe it was the same when I left Japan," Asuka added. "Maybe I just wanted to push everybody I knew away."

"It doesn't matter anymore," Hikari said. "You're here now to make up for that. That's all that matters. Here and now."

"The past has its own way of messing up the here and the now," Asuka noted. "I mean, I even picked up smoking for a while. 5 months I think it was that I smoked. I'm glad that I quit before leaving for Japan but still, the fact that smoked at all annoys me."

"You quit though and that's a lot better than most people can manage," Hikari pointed out.

"I sometimes wonder how you can always pull a positive out of anything," Asuka said with a smile for her friend. "I sometimes wish I could be more like that."

"It's not hard," Hikari replied. "Sometimes, you even just have to see things for what they are to find the positives in them."

Asuka nodded and looked out to the city they were fast approaching. She then checked the time on the car dashboard. It read 5:30pm. "Hikari, what's the date?" Asuka inquired.

"It's the 3rd of January," Hikari replied. "You crossed a lot of time zones flying here I guess."

"I don't feel tired at all," Asuka said.

"Still, when you get to my place, you should still get some sleep. I've prepared the spare room for you," Hikari said. Asuka felt grateful having a friend as considerate and selfless as Hikari. She knew that Hikari was a much better person that she was. "Thank you Hikari, for everything. You didn't have to do this," Asuka said.

"It's okay. I'm just happy to finally see you after so long. I thought you might have gone forever," Hikari said.

_That was the initial plan, _Asuka thought. _Leave Japan and never go back again. I guess this is plan B._

As they entered the city, Hikari said, "Traffic's really bad so it might take a while to get to where we want to go." Asuka watched as they slowly grinded to a halt upon entering the city. Tokyo-4 sure seemed a lot busier that Tokyo-3 ever was. The city also seemed bigger, from what Asuka could determine from outside of the city. Bigger usually meant more people which meant more cars which inevitably meant more traffic. Asuka was thankful that she wasn't the one at the wheel. She never really liked city driving and preferred the Autobahns of her country. Hikari obviously had a lot more patience than Asuka could ever muster as she crept forward inch by inch, patiently waiting to get to her home.

It took half and hour, but they eventually reached a block of flats about a mile from the city centre. From what Asuka could see, they were modern looking and the kind of place Asuka wouldn't mind calling her home. Hikari took Asuka up to the third floor in the elevator and along to the flat three doors away from the elevator. She then opened the door and let Asuka in. The redhead looked around and was impressed by the flat. It was larger than her own in Munich considering this was Japan where space was rare. It also looked comfortable with a clean layout. "This place is great," Asuka said. "You guys must be working overtime to afford this."

"We're doing okay," Hikari said. "Toji's not back from work. I guess it's the traffic. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please, that would be very nice," Asuka said.

Hikari did so and the two sat in the living room while Asuka savoured the taste of the tea, a drink she had not had in a very long time. "Is it okay?" Hikari asked.

"Hikari," Asuka said. "I think this is the best tea I've ever tasted." Hikari smiled at Asuka's compliment, happy to be in the company of someone she honestly thought that she would never see again. At that moment, the front door opened and Toji walked into the living room, about to say hello to his wife to be when he saw Asuka. From the expression on his face, it was clear that Hikari hadn't gotten around to telling him that she would be stopping by. "Holy shit," he muttered. "That's the last thing I expected to see."

Soon, Toji was sat with his fiancé and Asuka in the living room. Asuka noted his prosthetic left leg. Some things that happened before Third Impact obviously carried over. As well as that, Asuka couldn't remember ever seeing Toji again after the incident with Unit 03. "So, I guess you're wondering where Shinji is?" Toji inquired.

"Yeah, I would like to know. I'm not ready to see him just yet, but it would be nice to know where to find him," Asuka replied.

"Well, to be honest, Shinji's been pretty hard to find himself," Toji said. "It's been hard to keep in contact with him. I haven't given up trying but Shinji is trying hard to be alone."

_Trying hard to be alone? So Shinji's struggling as well? _Asuka thought.

"I know his address and phone number," Toji said. "That's never been enough to reach him though."

"I see," Asuka said.

"I do know Misato Katsuragi's contact details though and it would be a lot easier reaching her than Shinji," Toji pointed out.

"Yeah, I think I'll see her first," Asuka said. "Thanks a lot for letting me stay here."

"Don't mention it," Hikari said.

"Yeah, you're welcome to stay," Toji said. "We probably never even got off on any foot so I guess having you here could sort that out."

"That would be nice," Asuka said. She then yawned deeply out of the blue and suddenly felt incredibly tired. "That's the jetlag kicking in," Hikari said. "Go get some sleep. You need it." Asuka stood up and smiled tiredly before heading off to the spare room. As she lay in bed, waiting for sleep to come to her, she pictured Eleanor Rigby sitting by a window, alone in a desolate house. She then pictured herself walking by that house with a smile on her face. At least she could dream.


	3. Trains

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. They belong to Anno and his crew at Gainax.

* * *

Asuka held the piece of paper that Toji had ripped out of a notebook for her. On this slightly crumpled piece of paper, there were several digits written in black ink. Above those digits was a name; Misato Katsuragi. Asuka slowly inched her hand forward to pick up the handset of the phone off of the cradle before holding it in front of her, her thumb poised to enter the number. Asuka took a deep breath before entering Misato's phone number as quickly as possible. As she heard the phone dial, Asuka held her breath, waiting to hear Misato's voice on the other end. She wasn't really prepared to speak to Misato. In fact, she had no idea what to say or how to say it. Despite this, Asuka wasn't one to back out on something and she held the phone even tighter in to her ear.

The she heard the dialling stop.

Asuka froze and her lungs refused to operate properly, leaving her without air or the ability to take it in. Asuka waited painfully to hear Misato's voice on the other end of the line. "Hello…"

"Misato, it's Asuka," Asuka said down the phone. "Listen, you know this may come as a shock to you, but…"

"…I'm not in just now, but feel free to leave me a message after the tone…right about…now!" said Misato's recorded voice over the other side of the line.

The phone slipped out of Asuka's hand and loudly cracked against the wooden floor. "Is everything all right, Asuka?" Hikari called from her kitchen.

"Yeah," Asuka replied, bending over to pick up the handset. She held it in her hand tightly for a moment before placing it back in its cradle. Asuka then moved over to the sofa and collapsed onto it. Asuka let out a long sigh and leant her head back, staring at the white ceiling of Hikari's and Toji's flat.

_Ten o'clock in the morning. I should have thought about the possibility of her being at work, _Asuka thought. _My heart was in my throat when I heard that dial tone stop. I thought for sure Misato had answered her phone. Instead, all she will hear is a voicemail message containing the noise of me dropping the phone on the ground_. Asuka pulled herself up into an upright sitting position before rubbing her face and eyes. She was still incredibly tired from her flight yet the previous night, her sleep was intermittent at best.

It was because of a dream she kept on having. Despite going to bed with newfound optimism, her dream brought her crashing back down again. It was that same image of her walking past a desolate, lonely house. Inside was a lone woman that went by the name of Eleanor Rigby. Asuka continued to walk on by, feeling that she won't ever be that lonely. However, just as she passed the house, she felt something holding her back. Asuka turned around and saw Eleanor Rigby standing behind her, gripping Asuka's hand. She couldn't make out Eleanor's face, even though she was standing right there. Asuka tried to free herself but she found herself moving back towards the lonely house, pulled there by Eleanor. Suddenly, Eleanor looked up at Asuka. Her face was obscured by the sun glinted off one of the house's windows. And then, Eleanor Rigby said, "Where do you think you're going?"

Asuka was hounded by that dream the previous night and even now, fully awake, she couldn't get those images out of her head. Asuka wondered why, even after coming this far, she was still struck with fear and apprehension. She had to finish what she started, yet there was a part of her mind that didn't want her to do anything. One part of her mind wanted her to return to Germany and a 9 to 5 job that Asuka no longer found interesting or fulfilling. It was the part of her that haunted her in her dreams. And despite it being most prominent during her dreams, it was very real indeed and it could make Asuka do something she might regret if she didn't keep her head straight. To try and sort herself out, Asuka decided she needed to go outside and take a walk to try and get her head in check. "Asuka, do you want breakfast?" Hikari asked. Her reply was the sound of her front door closing shut. Hikari frowned, wondering what Asuka would be doing outside in a city she didn't know. Her bags were still in her room so she wasn't planning on leaving. Hikari pondered whether to follow Asuka or not but decided against it, knowing that Asuka would be going on a journey of rediscovery for herself.

* * *

The day was a bitterly cold one. Asuka made sure she clutched her jacket so that it was shut tightly, wondering why she was out alone like this. She had no idea where she was or where anything was for that matter. This didn't put her off in any way however and she continued to walk deeper into the city. As she wondered through the snow covered streets, the sound of the powder compressing under her feet was masked up by hundreds of car engines, all moving at a snail's pace. The traffic had begun to move quicker than before, but it was still unbearably slow for anyone unfortunate enough to be caught up in it.

Asuka was expecting a torrent of painful memories as she walked outside on her own in Japan for the first time in a very long time indeed. Instead, there was nothing. There was the uncertainty of what came around the next corner but that was due to the fact that this city was completely alien to Asuka. None of the horrible experiences she had as an Eva pilot were flooding back to haunt her memories. It was just like walking in a new city with new sights to see and new things to do. She had been unsure whether Tokyo-4 was anything like Tokyo-3 but it wasn't, both in terms of the city itself and what the city presented to Asuka. The redhead took the sights of the soaring skyscrapers in and deduced that this was definitely not a city at war. Tokyo-3 was a very angular, harsh looking city. Tokyo-4 was smoother, rounder, more inviting. Tokyo-4 was a city for living, not for fighting.

Apart from anything else, the snow that lay on the ground seemed to make Asuka feel slightly at ease, just because it had been snowing back in Munich. She didn't quite get the climate shock that came associated with travelling halfway across the word. And there wasn't the culture shock because she had been resident in Japan before. It was nothing new to her. Despite all of this, she just seemed quite lost, not on the snowy streets of Tokyo-4, but rather in her mind. Everything about what she was doing and why she was doing it struggled to make any sense to her. She pushed on nonetheless, undeterred by a stinging apprehension that followed her every footstep.

She ventured deeper into the city centre, passing more people, more unfamiliar faces that would never become familiar. Electronic billboards came into view, advertising the latest hair product or soft drink, lining the upper layers of the streets. Along with the big shops and department stores, small time vendors also set up on the pavements, selling everything from newspapers to ramen. Regardless of the snow, the citizens of Tokyo-4 still found ways to keep busy and thus keep the city moving at its usual frantic pace, one which Asuka struggled to follow.

Asuka walked past several shops, glancing at what was on display behind the windows, before finding a large building that was clearly not a shop of any kind. Asuka gazed up at the sign above the main door and was surprised to find the words, 'NERV: Recruitment and Career Opportunities', as well as the NERV logo which was an image Asuka had come to remember. It was apparent that NERV was not as secretive as it used to be. That said, they did not wield the Evangelion super weapon which was inevitably made the need for a level of secrecy necessary. The sight of the word 'NERV' immediately struck her curiosity so Asuka made her way inside the building.

It was a fairly ordinary building. There were four tables set out in the centre of the foyer which displayed various leaflets and information booklets about NERV and the possible jobs one could get at NERV. Dotted about the sides of the room where chairs where several people were seated, either reading a pamphlet or waiting for attention from the staff inside the recruitment centre. Furthest away from the main doors was a counter behind which a man not much older than Asuka sat. "Excuse me," Asuka said, "would it be possible to visit NERV headquarters itself?"

"Ah, yes, you can arrange visits with an application. Once we get your application through, we can get you a temporary pass so you can visit your desired section," the man replied with a smile.

"I see. So if I were to hand in an application for, let's say, the science division, would it be possible to visit NERV today?" Asuka inquired.

"Well, we don't usually process applications until after about three working days, but if you were really desperate to visit the place, then I don't see why we couldn't get you a visitor's pass today," the man said. "I'll tell you what. If you fill in an application now, I'll get you sorted with a pass. How does that sound?"

"That's great! Thanks a lot," Asuka said with a smile.

"No problem. I'm glad to be of service."

Within fifteen minutes, Asuka was on her way with her pass towards the train station to catch the next train to NERV headquarters. After she had left, the NERV recruitment officer had begun to type in Asuka's details into the computer system. However, he was surprised to see that there was already an 'Asuka Langley Sohryu' in the database. Normally, he would ignore the fact that there were two names that were exactly the same but in this instance, the name in question was far from a normal Japanese name. Intrigued by this strange coincidence, he tried to access the file but was denied access. Apparently, the higher ups in NERV didn't want anybody to see the file of the Asuka Langley Sohryu already in the database which made the recruitment officer wonder just why. As well as that, he mused whether that woman who had just applied for a science job at NERV was the same person. In the current state of play, however, he would never find out.

* * *

It had been a while since Shinji had been at work. Now that he was, he found that he hadn't been missing much. Shinji worked in a fairly large sized insurance firm and was bound inside a cubicle for most of his hours at work. It was for the most part boring and lacklustre but it was a job nonetheless, one that Shinji could do well enough to get a decent pay and the odd promotion if he worked exceptionally well for a sustained period of time. Shinji did better than most of his colleagues, not because he wanted to excel, but rather because the whole job would seem pointless if he were just doing the same thing over and over, sitting in the same spot. His desire to move on though, did not stretch over into other parts of his life.

Shinji had been stuck in the same place in his mind when it came to people. He had allowed people he once knew to become estranged with himself and he was doing nothing to rejoin those bonds. It had happened with Misato. She was always there, yet he always managed to keep her at an arm's length away. There had been the time at New Year's, when Shinji tried to kiss her and he simply felt disgusted that he thought he could use Misato in that way. Had he slept with Misato that night, he knew that it would have forced her even further away and was glad that Misato stopped them, even after having drunk as much as she had. Misato had always been there for help and Shinji ignored it. The one time he did accept her offer, he abused it and hurt himself and more than likely hurt Misato in the process.

Shinji had been trying to separate himself from Misato until Rei showed up. With Rei in his care, Shinji had to constantly seek advice from Misato after their first shopping trip and Misato was glad to oblige. In doing so, Shinji was wondering what he had been so afraid of in the first place. He seemed more at ease around Misato now and it was due to the fact that he wanted the best for Rei. It seemed odd that he would do anything for somebody else like that but here he was, thinking of another before himself. Even now, he wondered how Rei was doing back at his flat. She had a set of keys if she wanted to go out but Shinji advised against it, at least for now. Rei was under his care and even though she appeared to be the same age as him, she was far removed from the world as they knew it. Rei didn't have any of the things that Shinji took for granted such as a home and a job. She was more like a child experiencing things for the first time and was easily excited, nothing like the Rei he once knew.

People he once knew. Shinji's mind wondered off to another person that he knew all too well yet not quite at the same time. He wondered about Asuka and how they had drifted apart. It had been Asuka who had left the country without telling them yet Shinji somehow felt responsible for it. Normally, he would continue to blame himself but now, things were different. Shinji was discovering not to be afraid to mend the broken bonds between people and he was discovering that even if he was to blame, there was always something he could do to set things right. It was happening with Misato. He was getting on with her better and he didn't mind spending time with her anymore. Maybe there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. Maybe it would be the same with Asuka, except that it most definitely couldn't. She was in a different country, never to be seen again unless Shinji sought her out, which is something he didn't feel quite ready to do.

"Ikari," said one of Shinji's workmates. "The CEO of our parent firm is arriving by train in about twenty minutes and the boss was wondering whether you would go out to meet him and bring him here."

"Ah, okay, sure," Shinji replied. "Is that Mr Takeya Yamasaki?"

"That's the one, at platform 7. You know what he looks like?"

"Yeah, I do. I guess it was about time for me to run an errand for the boss."

"I know. You've managed to avoid the short straw for this long. Take it easy out there; the snow isn't letting up a bit."

"Sure thing." Shinji picked up his jacket and his car keys and promptly left the office. There was no point in waiting around, especially if the boss had given him a task to complete, this one a rather important one. Shinji would have to show all the proper and expected courtesies to the CEO coming in on the train and make sure he didn't screw this up. In all honesty, it was a fairly simple task but there was no margin for error, especially with someone this important coming in.

The drive to the train station was a short five minutes. The traffic was flowing a bit better today and Shinji was relieved for some respite from the deadlock. He parked his car and quickly made his way inside the station and immediately headed towards platform 7 where the train he was expecting would be arriving shortly. In the meantime, Shinji was left waiting in a crowded and packed station. Nothing, even the worst blizzards, would stop this station running and the hustle bustle was constant. Everywhere you looked, in any direction, you saw at least a hundred people. Some of them still had remnants of snow from coming in from the outside. Wet footprints on the floor accentuated the already shiny surface of the ground.

Shinji had his hands in his pockets as he glanced around the station, seeing what there was to see which was mainly people and trains. It was hard to think that there were over 3 billion people on the planet, a number that would be so much higher had it not been for Second and Third Impact. That thought was enough to make you feel very alone but then again, if we all thought that way, then loneliness would be as common as the cold during winter. Shinji wondered, however, and as he scanned around, he could not find one person that he knew. From all the people getting off of trains, boarding trains, walking about, at a shop or simply standing, there was not one person Shinji could say he knew. Was that enough to make him feel lonely. He wasn't so sure anymore.

Shinji's eyes turned towards a departing train on platform 8. The train slowly began to ease off; taking the first few steps so to speak on what would be yet another journey in the train's service lifetime. Shinji glanced at the windows and as the train begun to pick up speed, he caught sight of a head of long, red hair. That sight immediately caught his attention and caused him to move toward the departing train. However, it was picking up speed too quickly and Shinji quickly lost sight of that woman in the train and could swear that it was Asuka he saw. It wasn't as if there weren't other women with red hair but it was uncommon in a nation where the natural hair colour was black. Nevertheless, Shinji could tell that her hair was naturally red and was absolutely convinced that he had just seen Asuka Langley Sohryu leave on a train from Tokyo-4's main train station. It was enough to make his heart climb up into his throat and suddenly, Shinji was very uneasy and apprehensive.

* * *

Asuka never like being on trains or buses or aeroplanes on her own. She just felt so isolated sitting there, surrounded by dozens of other people. Asuka took her set by the window and rested her head against the cold glass. She watched the city disappear behind her as they left for the countryside surrounding Tokyo-4. "Excuse me? May I sit there?" The question came from an old woman who was stood up in the centre aisle of the train. The seat beside Asuka was unoccupied and it would be shameful to deny the woman a seat. "Of course, of course! There was no need to ask!" Asuka said, smiling as she did.

"Thank you, dear," the woman said, returning Asuka's smile. The woman must have been pushing eighty from her appearance. "So, where are you off to?" the woman asked.

"Me? Well, I'm just off to NERV headquarters," Asuka replied.

"Ah, I see. Do you work there?" the woman inquired.

"No, no, I'm just visiting the place, to see if I want to work there."

"I hear it's very good, dear. My nephew works there and he very much enjoys it from what I hear."

"Oh, that's a good sign, isn't it? Where are you off to?"

"I'm going down south to Osaka," the old woman replied, "to see my first granddaughter. I've got two grandsons already, wonderful kids they are."

"That's lovely to hear."

"It is dear, it is. It's also wonderful to see the joys of newborn children. My daughter picked a good husband to raise children with and their first two boys are such great kids."

"Raising children must be amazing."

"It has its ups and downs, dear, but it is well worth it in the end when your children are having children. It's marvellous to see your work as a parent pay off."

"I can imagine, although I'm far too young to be even considering parenthood just now."

"Oh, the time will come dear. The first thing is to find the perfect man!"

"Yeah, I guess that's where I'm struggling."

"I know it's very clichéd, but trust me, you'll know when you find him. There's something about love that even oldies like me can't even explain!"

_Love,_ Asuka thought. _Do I even know what love is? Can I really imagine anything this woman has been telling me? She seems so content and happy, having lived her life out to the fullest. Why do I feel so incomplete, so unsatisfied with everything I have? Am I still looking for love, or something else, just to fill this void in my life that I just can't ignore?_

"Is something the matter?" the old woman asked, seeing the look of discomfort on Asuka's face.

"Ah, it's nothing, really," Asuka replied with a smile to cover up her uncertainty.

"Listen, whatever it is, you have to just put it to one side and move. If you let it eat at you, then you'll end up as old as I am with it still stuck with you like a thorn."

"I'm not too sure if its something I can put to one side," Asuka pointed out. "It's more something I have to confront and discover for myself."

"I see, dear, I see. Then, do what you must." Asuka turned quickly to face the old woman who smiled comfortingly towards the young redhead. "Your stop is coming up," the old woman added, that soft smile still on her face. The train began to decelerate and Asuka stood up from her seat and headed towards the door, taking one last look at the woman who had spoken to her out of the blue. As the train slowly brought itself to a half, Asuka gave a wave to the old woman before stepping out onto the cold, snow covered platform. She made her way through the small station and was unsure what to make of her conversation on the train. She had no idea who that old woman was but she knew that elderly people often liked to make conversation with most people they came across. However, Asuka couldn't shake the feeling that the woman was trying to tell her something, trying to pass on an important message. Unfortunately for Asuka, she couldn't quite grasp what it was.

The entrance to the new NERV headquarters didn't look any different from the old NERV. Asuka took the visitor's ID out of her handbag and fed it into the machine. She felt a great sense of déjà vu as she did, having done this so many times as an Eva pilot. As soon as the door opened in front of her and her ID returned to her hand, agonizing memories began to flood her mind. Memories of the times she was sat inside the entry plug of Unit 02, crying her eyes out because she couldn't move it, because Shinji was the hero, because she felt useless. She had felt like she was worth nothing at all. As Asuka try to shun those images to the back of her head, she began to subconsciously grip the laminated card in her hand tighter, bending it out of shape. Asuka always managed to vent the pain she felt out through anger or aggression. It was just her way of dealing with things and at the moment she felt like indiscriminately breaking something.

"Excuse me, ma'am? Are you here about the job in the science division?" asked a young woman in a lab coat who came walking up to Asuka. She was tall and slender, about several inches taller than Asuka and her long curly hair was a deep, dark brown. Over her green eyes were behind framed glasses that were of some designer brand or another. "Yes, that's me," Asuka replied, managing a smile despite everything that was currently running amok in her head.

"Splendid. I'm Emi Miyamura."

"Asuka Langley Sohryu."

"Pleased to meet you," Emi said as she shook hands with Asuka. "If you'll just follow me, please. I'll give you a tour of the science division."

Asuka nodded her head and let the NERV scientist turned glorified tour guide show her around just like she said. The deeper Asuka got inside, the more it just felt like the old NERV, even though this was in a different place and built for a different purpose. Asuka couldn't shake that feeling despite her best efforts. Everywhere she looked, the corridors, the doorways, even the uniforms worn by the staff, it all just seemed the same to her. Again, she tried to put it in the back of her mind but the more she saw of NERV HQ, the more it reminded her of life just over ten years ago. It was a life that Asuka wanted to forget more than anything.

"This is the science division," Emi announced. "We have the all the top equipment for all three major branches of science and all their sub branches. This facility rates among the best in the world for scientific research."

"Seems a lot for an anti-terrorist organisation," Asuka noted dryly.

"The science division is almost an independent entity within NERV itself. We carry research of all kinds here," Emi explained. "May I ask what your major is in?"

"Theoretical physics," Asuka replied. "Mainly in quantum mechanics, but I do extend into experimental fields as well."

"You'll find yourself right at home in our physics section," Emi said with a smile. "Would you like to see it?"

"Yes please," Asuka acknowledged with a nod of her head.

She followed Emi onwards towards the physics section, only to stop when she saw a face she knew from long ago. "Maya Ibuki…" Asuka whispered.

"Is something the matter, ma'am?" Emi asked. By that point, Maya had taken notice of Asuka. She hadn't changed much, except she was now in a white lab coat instead of the NERV uniform that Asuka had grown used to seeing her in. They never really spoke much, except when in battle with the angels. Despite that, Asuka felt kind of relieved to see someone she once knew. "Asuka…is that really you?" Maya asked, walking toward the redhead.

"Ah! Ma'am!" Emi cried when she caught sight of Maya. "I was just showing a prospective addition to the science team around."

"It's all right, Emi, I know her. I'll take it from here," Maya said with quite the sense of authority.

"Yes ma'am," Emi said with a slight bow before going back to her normal duties.

Maya was holding a clipboard in her hand as she looked over Asuka. "You know, I never expected you to come walking right in here," Maya said.

"I never expected myself to either," Asuka said uneasily.

"It's been a while, Asuka. Where have you been all these years?" Maya asked with a pleasant smile.

"I've been in Germany…I only came to Japan yesterday," Asuka replied.

"I see," Maya said. "I can't believe…I mean…it's just so surreal, seeing you suddenly turn up like this. Have you seen Misato, or Shinji?"

"No, I haven't," Asuka said. "I've seen Hikari, an old friend of mine from school, as well as her husband."

"That's good to hear," Maya said. "Listen, you should come with me to see Misato. I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you."

"I don't know if I can," Asuka said.

"What do you mean?" Maya asked.

Asuka turned away for a moment before slowing saying, "I don't know if I'm ready to see her again."

"That's just silly talk, Asuka!" Maya snapped. "Misato will be really glad to see you and you'll be better off from it! Come on, follow me." Asuka felt like she didn't want to see Misato, but she followed Maya regardless. She was being perpetuated towards her old guardian as if fate intended for it to happen. The corridors and walls seemed to become blurry as Asuka got closer to Misato's office. Memories, thoughts, emotions, they all seemed to blend into one in Asuka's mind. She felt her body wanting to perspire. She had never been so nervous in her entire life. As she tried to keep herself cool, she was suddenly outside the door that read 'Commander Katsuragi'. Everything appeared to go slower that it actually was from the moment Maya went forward to knock on the door. "Come in," said the voice from within the office, a voice Asuka knew all too well.

Maya opened the door and walked in ahead of Asuka. The redhead didn't quite have it in her to follow Maya in. "Commander, I have a surprise for you," Maya said.

"Oh, really? Let's see this surprise then, Maya," Misato said, her head down in some UN paperwork. Maya turned around to face Asuka with a smile on her face. "It's time for you to come in," she said. Asuka took her first step in the office slowly, feeling anxiety quickly overcoming her. One part of her mind was telling her just to turn away and run. However, she had had enough of running. She ran away from Japan all those years ago without telling anybody and she wasn't going to run away when she was this close to rekindling those bonds she once shared. Asuka took another step into Misato's office and the violet haired woman lifted her head up to see what the fuss was about. When she saw Asuka standing in the doorway, she dropped her pen. The sound of it hitting her desk seemed amplified in the absolute quiet that settled in the office as soon as Misato laid eyes on Asuka.

The commander of NERV slowly stood up from her seat and before Asuka could say anything, Misato broke into a run and threw her arms around the redhead. "I can't believe it…it's really you, Asuka," Misato said as the tears ran down her face. When her cold tears touched Asuka's shoulder, she realised what she had run away from. She had run from people who cared about her and accepted her for who she was. People who she could saw almost understood her in a way. Immediately, Asuka regretted ever leaving this country and these people. "Asuka…it's been so long," Misato whispered.

"I know Misato," Asuka said, finally returning the hug that Misato was embracing her with.

"I'll be getting back to work," Maya said. "It's good to see you again, Asuka."

"Wait…Maya!" Asuka called out, splitting off from Misato for a moment. "Maya…thank you."

"It's my pleasure," Maya replied with a smile before walking off.

Suddenly, it was just Asuka and Misato, reunited after all these years. "Please, take a seat Asuka," Misato said, all smiles. There was a comfortable looking sofa which Asuka placed herself on. "Is there anything I can get you to drink? Tea? Booze?" Misato asked.

"No, it's okay," Asuka said.

"My god, and to think that it would be you to come and find me," Misato said. "What have you been doing with yourself all these years?"

"I've been living in Germany, working in the physics faculty in the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich as a researcher," Asuka answered. "I had already graduated university before I even came to Japan as an Eva pilot so they had a job lined up for as soon as I turned 16. After that, I just tried to make ends meet and be independent like I always wanted to be. I didn't speak to my father or my step father. I don't think they ever knew I was back in Germany. You know, I thought I had it all with a job and my own flat in Munich. I thought I was living the life that I wanted where people gave me the acclaim I deserved. After a while, I was no longer the child prodigy at the faculty, I simply became another one of the staff. Everything soon became dead end for me. I didn't know where to go with my life."

"How old were you at this point?" Misato asked.

"I was only 20. I was at an age where most other people would be at university or college, enjoying themselves. Now, I realise that I threw away the rest of my childhood. 16 is too young to live and work by yourself but that was a choice I had already made. So I had my 9 to 5 job and I went through boyfriend after boyfriend. None of them ever had what I was looking for. Then, on New Year's Eve, I got a message on my answering machine from my boyfriend at the time, Hans. He had called it off and by that point, I had enough of it. I kicked my answering machine and went out onto the balcony of my flat to have a cigarette. It was stupid, staring smoking just to fit in better with Hans, but that's what I was like. Standing there, I decided I had to go back to Japan and quit smoking as well, since Hans had well and truly broken up with me. I met up with Hikari when I arrived in Japan and now I'm here."

Misato nodded her head, taking what Asuka had to say in. "That's quite a story," Misato noted.

"What about you?" Asuka asked.

"Me? Well, after you took off, I saw Shinji through his school days before he took off to university. I volunteered for a posting back at the new NERV and hey, they make me commander. The job is pretty boring; we never have much to do. The thing that occupied is trying to keep Shinji on a straight track. I was happy for him when he graduated university and got himself a job but ever since then he tried to cut himself from me. He started drinking…heavily and I kept trying to get in contact with him but he never answered his phone or replied to my voicemail messages. I would occasionally bump into him but all he could say was 'hello' and 'how are you?' It never extended any further than that. I became really worried about him. I was worried that he was depressed and becoming an alcoholic. Then, something really strange happened."

"What was that?" Asuka inquired.

"Rei appeared, and out of nowhere as well," Misato replied.

"Rei appeared?"

"Yeah, she simply appeared in the snow on New Year's Day and it was Shinji who found her. He had no idea what to do with her so finally; he returned the favour and called me. I've been in regular contact with him since which is a good think. Rei on the other had doesn't really remember who we are as well as seeming more upbeat than the Rei we used to know. She's staying with Shinji just now," Misato explained.

"She's staying with Shinji?" Asuka asked worriedly.

"Just for the time being. I told Shinji to take good care of her while she readjusts to life in this city," Misato said. "Don't worry. I told him not to do anything funny."

"I never said…"

"Asuka, I can tell from your face," Misato said with a smile. "It's really good to see you again, you know that?"

"Same here," Asuka said, managing a weak smile.

"I take it you've not seen Shinji?" Misato asked.

"No, I haven't," Asuka replied. "I wasn't quite prepared to see you, if I'm honest and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see Shinji again."

"What are you afraid of?" Misato said.

"I don't know. I just don't know what it is. When Maya said she would take me to see you, I felt that same fear. I don't know why I am afraid, but I am and it isn't helping me," Asuka said.

"You're just like Shinji," Misato noted.

"What?"

"Shinji is just the same. He's afraid of connecting to people. And I think I know why. It's the fear of getting hurt," Misato said.

"The fear of getting…hurt?" Asuka said slowly.

"The hedgehog's dilemma. The closer you get to someone, the more you get hurt. Or so the theory goes anyway," Misato explained.

"That makes some sense…maybe that's what I'm afraid," Asuka said.

"I was the same, Asuka. I was afraid of truly opening up to people. One of the biggest regrets in my life was never telling Kaji that I loved him. I will never get another opportunity like that again but it's taught me a valuable lesson, Asuka," Misato said. "Hedgehogs don't hurt each other when they get close to each other."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Exactly that. Hedgehogs don't actually hurt each other when they get close together. It's just a myth. I know when you get close to someone, there is sometimes pain associated with it, but it's just part and parcel of being alive. You live with it and you learn to deal with it. The minute you can't is the minute you find yourself spinning in a spiral of loneliness," Misato said.

"Maybe that's what I was finding myself in," Asuka said.

"I know that's what was getting to Shinji," Misato said. "Listen, you should see him, in all seriousness. After I finish work, I'm going to drop you off at his place, okay?"

"Um…I'm not so sure…" Asuka said.

"What's with all the apprehension? You're even starting to speak like Shinji," Misato said. "Where's the proud girl I once knew?"

"I don't know, Misato," Asuka said. "Maybe she realised that she had nothing to be proud of."

"Asuka, don't be like that. It was always that endless confidence and exuberance that I admired about you," Misato pointed out.

"Really?" Asuka asked.

"Really, I mean it. I mean, sure, you where a pain in the ass because of it sometimes but it made you who you were," Misato said.

Asuka chuckled at Misato's words and gave a real smile for the first time in what seemed like a very long time. "Thanks Misato," Asuka said.

"Don't mention it," Misato said. "So, are you going to see Shinji after I finish work?"

"I…maybe…I think so," Asuka said.

"Well, it's better than 'I don't know', at least," Misato. "Come with me. There's something you might want to see." Asuka followed Misato out of her office through a series of hallways and doors before reaching an elevator. "The Americans recovered this floating in space and kindly handed it over to us," Misato explained. She pressed a button in the elevator and they started going down. Before long, Asuka could see what Misato had wanted to show her. "Is that…Unit 01?" Asuka asked.

"Is it indeed," Misato said. "I showed it to Shinji and he couldn't bear the sight of it."

"I think I understand why," Asuka said. "This seemed like a whole lifetime ago, piloting Eva and everything."

"I know what you mean," Misato said as the elevator came to a halt. The two walked out and approached the purple Evangelion. "This thing caused so much hurt to Shinji," Asuka noted.

"Yet it saved all of our lives," Misato added. "I don't think any of us will realise how important Shinji's and Unit 01's roles were in stopping Third Impact wipe out the human race." Asuka nodded before staring up at Unit 01. Even if it did play a part in saving humanity, she couldn't help but feel repulsed by being in its presence.

* * *

Shinji struggled to get his key inside the lock of his front door. His mind was all over the place and he couldn't focus. Seeing who he thought was Asuka getting on that train had really caused chaos within his mind. He finally wrestled his door opened and slammed the door shut behind him as soon as he was inside. Shinji dropped his work satchel and headed for his kitchen immediately. He haphazardly flicked the light switch on before grabbing a bottle of whiskey off one of the cabinets. Shinji quickly opened it before taking a gulp of the liquor. He then leaned back against his fridge and slowly slid down to the floor.

"Asuka…was that really you?" Shinji asked his ceiling. He took another drink of the whiskey before letting out a sigh. _Everything seemed to be just fine, then I see Asuka on that train…I'm sure it was Asuka…her hair, it's too distinctive not to notice. She was getting a train out of town which meant she was in Tokyo-4. Why was she here? Was she looking for me? No way, that can't be possible. She left without saying goodbye. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. _Shinji took another drink but he bit more than he could chew, so to speak, and began coughing and spluttering. "Damn," he muttered, making sure that the alcohol didn't go down the wrong way in his throat. _Asuka…why are you here? Why are you tormenting me with your presence? There were so many things I needed to say to you yet you ran away. I though I never needed to say those things and then suddenly, years later, you turn up. I just wish I could have bumped into you at the station…but then, what would have I said to her? Would I have anything to say? Would she even recognise me? Maybe she's forgotten all about me and Misato and Japan. _

"Is something the matter, Shinji?" asked a worried sounding Rei, who emerged from the bathroom. She had just taken a shower and was dressed in a bathrobe. "Leave me alone, Rei," Shinji said.

"What? Is everything all right?" Rei continued.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Shinji screamed. Rei back off at the sound of Shinji's harsh words, his loud voice. She felt hurt by his words when all she wanted to do was help. Shinji looked up at her and immediately saw that in her eyes. "Jesus…I'm sorry Rei…I didn't mean to yell…I…I…" Shinji spluttered. Then, so quiet that nobody could hear, Shinji muttered, "I'm so fucked up."

"It's okay, Shinji," Rei said. "I know you're not angry at me."

"I just had a really hard day…I don't know what is going on in my mind," Shinji said.

"Shinji, it doesn't have to be this way," Rei said.

"What? What do you mean Rei?" Shinji asked.

"There is a better way. You don't have to keep being the way you are just now," Rei said.

Shinji looked up at Rei and pondered her words seriously. Maybe she had a point but what was he to do? He couldn't grasp what was happening in his world so he immediately turned to drink, he only known escape. And there he realised he had just found another way of running away. Another way of distancing himself from his troubles. In the ten years since Third Impact, Shinji felt like he hadn't grown up at all, instead, keeping all the same problems he had striven so hard to get rid of. He felt sick and tired of being in the same mess he always found himself in yet he saw no way of changing. "Don't worry Shinji," Rei said. "Things will change for you. I can feel it."

"What do you mean, you can feel it?" Shinji asked. Rei responded only by smiling before walking off to the spare bedroom which she called her own. Shinji got up to his feet and followed her, saying, "Wait Rei, what do you mean?" However, she had shut the door and Shinji couldn't go in. Rei's words were quickly becoming another source of angst in Shinji's mind. They sounded like they were meant to be reassuring, but Shinji was only confused as to what Rei meant.

Suddenly, his doorbell rang. Shinji took his jacket off and placed it on his sofa and rolled up his sleeves before going to the door. He checked that he didn't smell too strongly of whiskey only to find that it was obvious that he had been drinking. Regardless, he went to the door and opened it. Once he did, Shinji somehow felt Rei's words found their meaning. In front of him was Asuka Langley Sohryu, the woman who he had been lamenting about through alcohol. She was here in his doorway. Shinji wasn't prepared for this at all, yet this was a moment he had anticipated for years. "Um…hi Shinji," Asuka said, sounding incredibly nervous.

"Uh, hi Asuka," Shinji said.

"Long time…no speak, huh?" Asuka said with a weak chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess," Shinji agreed, managing an awkward smile. There was a moment of awkwardness where Asuka simply stood in front of Shinji's door while he thought of something to say.

"Um…would you like to come in?" Shinji asked.

"Yeah…that would be…nice," Asuka said, entering Shinji's flat. Shinji felt like he was in a dream at the moment. He had never expected Asuka simply just to turn up at his flat like this. "It's a nice place you've got here," Asuka said.

"Um…thanks," Shinji said. "Can I get you anything…a drink, food?"

"I'm in the mood for a drink, actually," Asuka said. "What do you have?"

"Uh, well, I've got beer, wine, whiskey, sake…"

"A whiskey sounds good," Asuka said, taking her coat off.

"Do you want a mixer with it?"

"No…no, I'll just have it straight."

Shinji poured two shots of whiskey and headed into the living room with the bottle as well. "Here you go," Shinji said.

"Thanks," said Asuka, not knowing quite how she managed to get here.

"It's…I mean…you've been gone so long," Shinji said. "I wasn't expecting you to turn up like this…I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great that you have…but I…I…"

"I didn't quite expect to turn up here either," Asuka interjected. "I only arrived in Japan yesterday."

"I see," Shinji said, downing his shot. "Where did you here from?"

"From Germany. I was living and working there before I decided to come here," Asuka replied, finishing her shot as well.

"It's just that…when you left, you never told anybody," Shinji said.

"I know…I…I regret that…I mean it…I shouldn't have been so selfish," Asuka said.

"It's okay…you managed to find your way back," Shinji said. "Want another drink?"

"Yes please," Asuka said, holding out her glass. Shinji poured out another two shots at the redhead's request. "You know, it's funny, I was so afraid of coming here…to see you again…if it hadn't been for Misato, I would have never came here," Asuka said.

"You bumped into Misato? That's good to hear," Shinji said.

"She's doing so well," Asuka said, taking her shot in one go. "She's so level headed and frank…I wish I could be a little more like her."

"Me too sometimes," Shinji admitted.

"I mean, ever since I left Japan, I've just become stuck in a 9 to 5 job at the university in Munich doing physics research I didn't really care about. I became afraid of my own feelings and distanced myself from people. In reality, I was just running away from people," Asuka said, helping herself to another whiskey.

"I was just like that," Shinji said. "Misato was always there to help but I ignored her. I tried to distance myself from people who cared about me, even my close friends from high school. I ended up drinking too much and wallowing in self pity."

"We have so much in common," Asuka said, with a laugh as she and Shinji finished the last of the whiskey.

"It's just a shame that we have such crappy traits to have in common," Shinji agreed.

The two started to laugh giddily, something neither had done properly in a long time. It was partly fuelled by the alcohol, but they didn't care. "Do you want to get that wine cracked open?" Asuka asked.

"Yeah sure, I'll just get it and some glasses," Shinji replied. He soon returned and handed Asuka her glass of wine. "I heard that Rei was staying here," Asuka said.

"She is," Shinji replied. "I found her one day, borderline hypothermia in the snow. She had been gone for ten years and she suddenly appears like that."

"My god," Asuka said. "I never really noticed her disappearance."

"Neither did I," said Shinji. "But she's back now and she's staying at my place until she adjusts herself to living. Right now I think she's gone to bed."

"That's good," Asuka said. "Maybe we could stay up late and just…well, talk."

"I'd like that," Shinji said.

Half and hour and a bottle of wine later, talking had turned into kissing. Both of them were both fairly drunk without a care in the world. They had both found a missing link in their lives and didn't want to let go. They embraced passionately on the sofa as if it was their last day alive. "Shinji…I've waited so long to be able to do this," Asuka said.

"Me too Asuka…I missed you…" Shinji said. They kissed once more and nearly fell off the sofa in the process. By this time, Asuka felt ready for something more. "Shinji, let's go…to your bedroom," Asuka whispered. "I've got a surprise for you there."

"Asuka? Do you want to?" Shinji asked, slightly uneasily.

"More than anything in the world," Asuka replied. Shinji lifted Asuka off of the sofa and carried her through to his bedroom. He placed her on his bed and she immediately began stripping down. "I've waited so long for this," Asuka said.

The night wore on into the early hours of the morning where two lost souls were experiencing the joy of being reunited and realising the feelings they shared for each other. However, their journeys of rediscovery were only just beginning. They would have to resolve the demons they shared and deal with their emotions and feelings without alcohol. They would have to find the bonds they shared with people they once knew. In the guest bedroom of Shinji Ikari's flat, a sleeping Rei Ayanami, finally feeling the spread of hope in the lives of both Shinji and Asuka, smiled as she lay asleep, knowing that things were indeed changing for Shinji and indeed, Asuka.


	4. Losing Control

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. They belong to Anno and his crew at Gainax.

**Author's Note:** This is only about half the length of any of the other chapters in this fic but I think this part is necessary after the somewhat rushed ending of the previous chapter.

* * *

Shinji awoke and sat up in his bed. Beside him was the naked form of Asuka Langley Sohryu in a peaceful slumber. Shinji glanced over to his alarm clock and saw that it was only 5 o'clock in the morning. Despite the early hour, he got himself out of bed, put on some trousers before wondering through to his kitchen. He felt a pounding headache quickly overcoming him as he walked, causing him to lose balance. He quickly put his hands on the wall to stop him falling over, trying to regain his composure. He finally managed to get to the kitchen and grabbed a glass so that he could have a drink of water. However, as soon as he went to turn the tap, he felt his stomach failing to contain the alcohol he had consumed last night. Shinji retched loudly before empty the contents of his stomach into the metallic kitchen sink. He could taste the horrendous mix of whiskey, wine and half digested food in his mouth which almost made him vomit again had it not for been for some quick mental intervention on Shinji's part. He turned the tap on to wash away the mess in front of him as well as hastily getting himself a drink of water to hopefully remove most of the foul taste from his mouth.

As his sink cleared up, Shinji's mind remained groggy. He could still feel the effect of the alcohol as he stood there over his sink. One fact was clear though. _I had sex with Asuka, the girl that I never really got along with when I was younger. I always wanted to get closer to her but I don't know if this was the right way_, Shinji thought. _I've done this too many times before. Meet a nice girl, have a few drinks, have sex, then never ever see her or speak to her again. Am I just going to do the same thing here? _Shinji poured himself another glass of water, hoping that the taste of his own sick wouldn't linger in his mouth. That taste nonetheless remained in the back of his throat, just like his anxiety and fear always remained in the back of his mind. Despite the happiness he experienced last night, Shinji couldn't help but regret doing what he did. It was almost the same with Misato a couple of nights ago with him and Misato both drunk but thankfully, Misato had the sense to say no. This time round, it was with Asuka and it was what she wanted, wasn't it? They both did what they both wanted for a long time, yet Shinji couldn't help but feel like he had made a mistake. Maybe they had rushed things. Maybe they should have spent some time together before going that far, just getting to know each other again after all those years.

That was another thing. Shinji never really knew who Asuka Langley Sohryu was. When they were Eva pilots, they never really spoke to each other but the attraction he felt towards her was undeniable. He was never sure he she felt the same and he was too afraid to ask. He was even unsure now because both Asuka and he were both drunk when they had sex. Did she really feel that way about him, or were their actions just the deeds of two people, fuelled by both loneliness and alcohol? Shinji had so much uncertainty in his mind and his thoughts were clouded by the alcohol still in his system. He felt like everything should seem right; he had finally seen Asuka after all those years and his life seemed to be changing for the better. However, it didn't feel right for him and Shinji wanted to know what was missing and what more he needed just to feel complete.

As well as that, he had had sex with Asuka, but apart from that he couldn't say much else. What did he feel for her after last night? Was it love? No, Shinji could hardly call it love. And if it was, maybe he was in self denial. Shinji wasn't sure of his feelings at all. He was in an emotional labyrinth and he wasn't sure if there was a way out. The uncertainty was causing Shinji to be afraid of what he was feeling and the implications those feelings brought with them. _I'm just like I was when I was 14…nothing really ever changes, does it? _Shinji thought with a frown on his face. _I'm still in that same mess…even without being an Eva pilot, everything just seems so confusing._ Shinji placed his glass back in the sink and let the tap run a bit longer just to get rid of the stench of vomit. He looked out of his kitchen window and saw that it was still dark and from what he could see, it had been snowing during the earlier hours of that morning. Shinji had never really gotten used to the winters that had returned to Japan and wondered if he would get used to the recent changes in his life or even if they would amount to much.

Shinji headed back to his bedroom and changed into his work clothes, even though he would need to be there for several hours. He grabbed his car keys but before he left he took a look at the woman whom he had slept with. Instead of feeling something unambiguous and clear, Shinji felt confused and uncertain. Maybe things would clear up with time but how long? Ten years wasn't long enough apparently as Shinji still remained the way he was. Another ten years? Would he ever clear up his thoughts and feelings? Shinji had the feeling that time would not tell and something else was needed, but what?

Shinji left his flat and headed to his car. He drove out of the residential parking area and headed on the quickest route out of the city. As he left the city limits, it occurred to Shinji that he may be over the legal limit for alcohol. He may have only been drinking the previous night but the alcohol would still be in his system and if he was stopped, then he may be in trouble. However, he felt fine and his driving wasn't impaired in away way. If he drove normally, then the police would have no reason to stop him. As well as that, Shinji didn't expect too many people out and about on this country lane at half past 5 in the morning.

As he drove, Shinji couldn't clear his mind of the events of the previous night and the regret he felt because of it. He was also struggling to concentrate on the road which was of little help to him at all. He wanted to get where he was going to alive and with his mind the way it was, he struggled every second of his journey. Shinji rolled down his window despite the biting cold and let the air run over his face. It helped, but there was no stopping the rampage of thoughts in his mind. _Concentrate Shinji, you're on the road and you're going nearly 100 kilometres per hour in the dark…think straight…concentrate, _Shinji thought. It was still very dark and Shinji had his headlights at full beam. A truck in the opposite lane drove past Shinji's car and blew its horn as it drove past. "Shit!" Shinji cursed and he tried not to cause any unintended movement of his steering wheel from being startled. _Crap…I forget to dip my headlights for that oncoming truck…get a grip Shinji!_ Shinji slapped himself across the face several times to try and regain focus but all his efforts would be in vain.

"_Shinji, let's go…to your bedroom…I've got a surprise were you there."_

"_Asuka, do you want to?"_

_Jesus Shinji! Stop thinking about it! You're behind the wheel of a car! You're going to get yourself or someone else killed at this rate!_ Despite his best efforts, that whole sequence of them getting into bed, both of them stripping down kept on repeating in his head. Then came the confusion in his emotions and his thoughts and Shinji couldn't stop them getting to him. He decided to reduce his speed in the hope that it would make his driving a bit steadier. Thankfully, he wasn't far from his intended destination as he past a sign reading, 'Tokyo-3 Ruins, Third Impact Memorial Site, 10km'. _Another five minutes and you're there, Shinji. Just concentrate on the road for five minutes…damn, I really should have taken a train, _Shinji thought, regretting something else as well.

Those five minutes passed fairly quickly and Shinji turned off the main road and parked car. He got out and walked towards the giant lake that stood in front of him. The snow was fresh and the ground and compressed with his every step. Shinji headed to the giant granite stone that bore the inscription, "This monument is a tribute to all those who lost their lives during both Second and Third Impact and to the brave souls who fought so gallantly for the city of Tokyo-3. May all those who still have not found their way back after Third Impact be guided back safely. 14th February 2016." The erecting of this monument occurred on the same day but fifteen years after the Valentine's Day treaty that ended the various wars that took place after Second Impact. Shinji was there with both Misato and Asuka when they put this up. It had been before Asuka had run away back to Germany, in a time when there world was having to build itself up again from the rubble.

The lake itself was mostly emptied of that primordial soup of LCL and changed into a regular fresh water lake. However, there was enough LCL to tinge the water a slight orange colour, just to remind anybody who visited of the significance of this body of water. Shinji didn't know why he came here. There was no logical reasoning in his coming here. Yet, it allowed him to think straight for once, something he hadn't been able to do for the entire morning. That however, wasn't such a good thing as Shinji realised just how ambiguous everything was in his mind. It was a strange paradox that Shinji had to think straight just to really see how confused he was about everything. As Shinji stared over the frozen lake, he said, "I've got to get out of here." He about faced and headed to his car before driving off.

Shinji had suddenly begun to relive his time as an Eva pilot and at which point he decided he had to leave. Now his only goal was to get as far away from the lake as possible. With this goal in mind, Shinji felt much better prepared to drive and put his foot down on the accelerator. As he left the lake behind him, he left his memories of being an Eva pilot as well for the time being. He would still have dreams, but that was beyond his control. He was doing everything in his power to stop his mind from going back to that terrible time, that time when he was forced to pilot that monstrosity. His thoughts soon turned back to Asuka and the confusion surrounding her. What did he really think of her? What did she think of him? Where they right to do what they did the previous night?

Shinji never saw the sharp right hand corner in front of him in time. The left hand side of his car slammed into the hard barrier before skidding along it. Inside, the airbags deployed as they were meant to but the impact of the crash was enough to knock Shinji unconscious. The car grinded along the barrier before coming to a halt. The engine smouldered as pieces of the car lay on the road, a potential trap for any other drivers behind him. One such driver, a civil servant in Japan's Ministry of Defence, returning from a summit from Hokkaido saw the pieces on the road and slowed down immediately. Then, he saw the wreckage of the car. He stopped and got out to check whether the person inside was alive. Much to his horror, he recognised the driver of the vehicle. "Oh my god…Shinji," gasped Kensuke Aida. He pulled out his mobile phone and called the emergency services, hoping that Shinji was alive and that the ambulance crews would arrive in time.

* * *

Asuka awoke at the sound of Shinji's alarm clock. She slowly sat up and rubbed her face groggily. She checked the time to be 8 o'clock and moaned, feeling that it was far too early for her to be getting up. Despite her woes, Asuka decided that since she was awake, she might as well get up out of bed. She noted that Shinji wasn't beside her but assumed that he would be in the living room, kitchen or bathroom. Asuka raided Shinji's wardrobe and put on one of his shirts and went out into the main living space.

Much to her surprise, she found Rei Ayanami in the kitchen. The blue haired woman turned to see Asuka and had a perplexed look on her face. "Rei?" Asuka asked.

"I'm sorry," Rei said, "I do not know who you are."

_Somehow, I'm glad that she doesn't remember me. I treated her like shit all those years ago, _Asuka thought.

"You do seem…familiar, however," Rei added.

"I'm Asuka. I'm one of Misato's and Shinji's friends," Asuka pointed out. "I knew you from when we were Eva pilots, although I'm aware you don't remember any of that."

"Eva? It's vaguely familiar, but I'm not sure," Rei said. Then, she smiled and said, "It's good to meet you, Asuka."

"It's good to meet you too, even though I already know you," Asuka said with a light chuckle.

"You say you are one of Shinji's friends?" Rei asked.

"Well…sort of. We go back a while. Last night was the first time I've seen him in years," Asuka answered. "It's kind of…complicated."

"What do you mean?"

Asuka was about to speak, but stopped herself. _I'm speaking so freely with this Rei. I guess this is what Misato meant when she said Rei was different. It's different in a good way, I guess, _she thought. "What I mean is," Asuka said, "I don't know what to feel about him."

"You are unsure of you feelings," Rei noted. "Shinji is the same."

"Misato said exactly the same thing. She said that Shinji and I are alike in that respect," Asuka added.

"Misato is wise for her age, even if she does drive crazy," Rei said. For the first time ever it seemed, Asuka began to laugh at something Rei said. It was a fairly trivial thing, but for Asuka it was significant enough to cement the fact that there was something about this Rei that contained aspects of the old Rei but was a different person altogether. "Yeah, when Misato drove me over last night, it was quite scary," Asuka agreed with a smile.

"She is very nice though," Rei said. "She took me shopping, after Shinji found me and she was very helpful in choosing clothes."

"Oh, I see," Asuka said. "She didn't make you buy anything too revealing, did she?"

"No, I do not think so," Rei said, blushing slightly. Asuka laughed at the sight. "I'll be honest Rei, ten years ago when we were Eva pilots; I never really liked you for some reason. I don't know why, but I'm being honest and saying I didn't. Now I realise that was a mistake and I regret not being friends with you back then," Asuka said.

"That's okay. That was then. This is now," Rei said with a smile.

"Well, that's true," Asuka agreed. "By the way, have you seen Shinji?"

"No, I haven't," Rei replied. "Perhaps he has gone to work early."

"Maybe," Asuka said. "It's just that I wanted a proper talk with him. I can't remember too much of last night because we were both pretty drunk."

"I could hear you two speaking from the guest bedroom," Rei said. "The last thing I heard before I feel asleep was hearing the both of you go into Shinji's bedroom."

"Oh yeah," Asuka said, blushing when she did. "I hope we didn't keep you up," she added with a sly smile.

"No, don't worry, you didn't," Rei said, returning Asuka's grin. "So you and Shinji, are you…together?"

"I don't know," Asuka replied. "I mean, we were both pretty drunk last night and we probably didn't talk about anything important. That's why I want to speak with him. We have a lot of things that we need to clear up. There are a lot of things I want to clear up."

"So you can set your mind straight?" Rei asked.

"Yeah, so to speak. You know, I had first thought that last night would be enough to fill that empty space in my life because I had finally seen Shinji again. Turns out it's not as simple as that," Asuka said. "I'm sorry if I sound depressed or anything."

"No, no, it's okay. It's good to be able to speak to people, Asuka," Rei said. "Even if that means having a heart to heart with somebody you barely know."

Asuka smiled and said, "Yeah, I guess that's true."

"You know, before you came, Shinji seemed really depressed," Rei said. "He was drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle and he even yelled at me."

"He yelled at you?" Asuka asked in surprise.

"I knew that he wasn't angry at me, but something had him very uptight. I meant to ask him this morning but I haven't seen him," Rei explained.

"That didn't seem like the Shinji that was with me last night," Asuka said with concern on her face.

"Maybe he was happy to see you," Rei offered.

"Maybe. Misato told me he had problems with alcohol," Asuka said.

"Problems?"

"He drinks more than he should," Asuka replied. "I'm no one to judge but it's not something you want in a person."

"I see," Rei said.

"Who am I kidding?" Asuka muttered. "I've got my own fair share of problems that probably rank just as bad as alcoholism."

"Some might say that it is our flaws that make us who we are," Rei said.

"Maybe," Asuka said. "But I've never looked at flaws in a good way. I've had it hard enough in my life facing my demons."

"Just as long as you are facing them," Rei said.

"I've never succeeded in getting rid of them, that's the thing. I was always afraid of getting…hurt," Asuka said.

"Aren't we all?" Rei asked. "Fear of getting hurt, fear of pain, isn't that just part of what makes us human?"

"But my fear was stopping me from connecting to people. It actually impeded certain parts of my life," Asuka said.

"You're connecting with me," Rei said, "and I'm happy to be speaking with you. Isn't that a good thing?"

Asuka looked up at her blue haired companion and saw the sincerity in her expression. There was definitely something different about this Rei. She didn't seem like a puppet, or a doll. She was her own person. "You know Rei, you have one of the sunniest outlooks on life out of anybody I have ever known," Asuka said.

"I almost died in the snow a few nights ago. I have no recollection of my life before it but I certainly intend to live. I am alive and because of that, I have the chance to be happy," Rei said with an honest, sincere smile.

"I've never, ever looked at life that way," Asuka said. "But thinking about it, that makes more sense than anything else anyone has to say."

"Those were the words stuck in my head when I first woke up after Shinji dragged me out of the snow," Rei explained. "Because I am alive, I have the chance to be happy. I have that hope."

Suddenly, the door bell went off, causing the two women to momentarily pause their conversation. Rei went forward to get it because she was the one of out those two who actually lived in the flat. When she opened the door, Misato was there, panting from having run up the stairs. "Misato?" Rei asked.

"Come with me," she said. "Shinji's been in an accident."

* * *

Misato drove the two to the local hospital where Shinji was being treated. Not a word was said in the car as Misato sped through the city. When they reached the hospital, the three disembarked and headed straight up to the floor where Shinji was. A doctor was up there waiting for their arrival. "What's the situation?" Misato asked.

"The patient, one Shinji Ikari, was involved in an accident. His car was the only one involved and it is assumed that he lost control of his vehicle. As a result of the accident, he suffered a compound fracture in his lower left leg. He was taken into the hospital just before 6 o'clock in the morning where we immediately performed surgery on the fracture. He is in recovery, still under the effect of the anaesthetic," the doctor explained. "He is fine, however, and should make a full recovery from the fracture."

"So he got away with a broken leg?" Asuka asked.

"Yes, that's correct," the doctor replied. "Once he wakes up, it may be possible to speak to him but he will be under sedation from morphine."

"That's fine. Thank you doctor," Misato said.

"It's no problem whatsoever, and I'm glad to be of service," the doctor said before walking off.

Asuka moved toward one of the seats in the nearby waiting area and collapsed backward onto it. "What an idiot," she muttered, although the tone of her voice conveyed her worry. She dropped her head into her hands and slowly rubbed her face. "Asuka, are you okay?" Rei asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Asuka said. "I'm just happy he didn't go and get himself killed."

"Do you know what he was doing out on his own?" Misato asked.

"No, he left before either of us was awake," Asuka replied. "Nothing happened that would cause him to go out driving like an idiot."

"I see," Misato said. "Maybe we'll just have to find out from Shinji himself."

As the three waited for word of Shinji regaining consciousness, a man that Misato and Asuka immediately recognised walked into the waiting area. "Kensuke…is that you?" Asuka asked.

"I was about to say the same thing about you," said the bespectacled man, making no effort to hide his surprise at seeing Asuka in the same country as him.

"You must have heard about the accident," Misato noted.

"Well, actually, I saw the accident, the aftermath of it, anyway. I called the ambulance as soon as I saw Shinji in the car," Kensuke explained.

"You saw him?" Asuka asked. "Where was he?"

"He was on the road heading back into Tokyo-4," Kensuke answered.

"The road _back into Tokyo-4_?" Asuka said. "What the hell was he doing outside of Tokyo-4?!"

"That I don't know," Kensuke said. "I was pretty lucky to see him because there was hardly anybody on that road, especially at that time in the morning."

"What were you doing on that road?" Misato asked.

"I was coming back from an international summit up in Hokkaido. I was part of the Ministry of Defence delegation," Kensuke explained.

"So you're a civil servant?" Misato further inquired.

"That's correct," Kensuke replied.

"What's with the cross-examination, Misato?" Asuka said. "Isn't he one of Shinji's friends?"

"I just wanted to know the circumstances," Misato pointed out.

"As well as that, I haven't spoken to Shinji in well over five years," Kensuke added.

"Five years?" Asuka said.

"Yeah, and it's been the same for Toji. Neither of us could really get in touch with Shinji. The two of us stayed good pals but Shinji just seemed like he was on another planet, for all we saw of him," Kensuke said.

"I told you Shinji was like that," Misato said.

"It's not like I'm much better," Asuka said. "Running off to Germany for just under 10 years."

"The thing was with Shinji was that we all knew his phone number and where he lived," Kensuke said. "He just refused to speak to any of us and went about his life, almost like a ghost."

"Trust me, Kensuke, I was just the same in Germany," Asuka said.

"It doesn't matter," Misato said. "The fact is you're here now and Shinji managed to get himself into a car accident during a seemingly random drive out of Tokyo-4. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"I'm just glad that he is okay," Asuka said.

"As am I," Rei added.

"Rei?" Kensuke said. "There's another face I haven't seen for years."

"She doesn't remember anything before New Year's Day," Misato pointed out.

"I do seem to recall his face, though," Rei said.

"Well, I'm Kensuke Aida, one of Shinji's pals from school."

"It is good to meet you."

"Don't worry, we've met before," Kensuke said with a smile. "So, what now?"

"We wait," Asuka muttered.

"Hold up one second. Are you sure you two did anything that caused Shinji to behave erratically?" Misato asked Asuka.

"I told you already, no. When I arrived at his, we had a few drinks and messed about and we…well…" Asuka said, not wanting to say it out loud.

"I see," Misato said, knowing exactly what Asuka meant. "That may have just been it, then."


End file.
